Faces

I forgot to mention that Jonathan has discovered faces. He'll pick them out of a room full of things to look at...tonight at VA girls I noticed that he was switching between looking at my face and at Jessica's. He definitely knows that faces are for looking at.

He also likes looking at himself in the mirror. I'm not sure what he thinks it is, except that I guess he recognizes it as a face, but he does really like it. I let him look at himself every morning after he has his sponge bath, and always say "There is Mommy, and that is Jonathan" when I see his eyes focus on one of us. I wonder when self-knowledge comes, enough that he could understand such a concept?

Baby Mine

Jonathan has decided that he’s old enough to be charming. Last night he responded to my smile with a huge grin of his own. It actually made up for the fact that I was awake at two in the morning. Baby smiles are irresistible, particularly when they are directed at you with something in the eyes that says they’re meant for you, and not the product of a bubble in the tummy. He’s also making more and more cooing sounds when he’s happy, combined with great facial expressions that just make you want to watch him and talk back for hours. I particularly enjoy him in the morning, because he usually has an hour or two of exceedingly happy time, and we can sing songs and play games and “talk” to each other to my heart’s content.

In other news, Jonathan is holding his head up so much more effectively now! I’m spending some time each day doing “tummy time”, usually with him lying on top of me so he doesn’t feel abandoned. It’s so fun to watch him push up with his arms and try to hold his head up to look around. He’s got a good 45 degree angle now, which is exactly on target, at least according to “What to Expect the First Year”. And every day he can do it for just a few seconds longer.

He’s getting so big…on Wednesday he had an appointment with the pediatrician, and he weighs 11 pounds, 11 ounces. He’s my big, healthy, chubby tummy baby. :)

It’s good to be a mom.

Two years!

Gabe and I have been married for two years now. Two years simultaneously seems like an incredibly long time, and also next to nothing. Usually it seems short when I compare it to "until we are parted by death" which will hopefully be a long time from now, and long when I compare it to my life so far.

We celebrated by leaving Jonathan with Sarah and Libby, (yay for aunts!) and spending the afternoon and evening watching Star Wars and having dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Good fun, the best company. :)

I like where we are right now. It was fun to be newlyweds...it was nice to be a more established "couple"...and now it is good and right and wonderful to be a family.

I am so heart-glad to be married to Gabe.

My sister is visiting...

and I made dinner with two hands tonight, without reaching around a baby sling. It's great to have another pair of hands and arms around! :)

Besides, I like my sister.

Child of the Covenant

Jonathan was baptized last Sunday, on Pentacost. It was a beautiful service, and my fear that he would scream throughout the event did not come to pass. As silly as I know it to be, it did seem like it would have been such a bad beginning to scream when you’re brought into the body of Christ! But he did not scream…in fact, even his slight fussiness quieted when Gabe handed him to Father David.

I love the baptismal service. And the fact that it was Pentacost made it even better. It’s the one day in the whole year when the liturgical color is red, and the whole church is bright and vivid and alive with it. Appropriate, as the Holy Spirit is “the Lord, the giver of life.” I love how the promises are made, not only by (or in this case, for) the one being baptized, but also by the whole congregation. We all renew our own baptismal covenant during the service, and it’s such an amazing thing to have the whole church repeating the Apostle’s Creed together. “Do you believe in one God?” “I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth” etc… There is something good and awesome and powerful in the body of Christ here on earth. As broken and fallen and impure as we are, Christ truly is present here in us. And now there is one more child of God in His covenant. We have promised to raise Jonathan to know God – he will, of course, have to make his own decision whether or not to follow God as he grows up – but our promise brings him into the covenant of the faithful just as circumcision brought each new baby into God’s covenant with the Israelites. There is something good and strong and safe in that knowledge. God’s grace is given, not by Jonathan’s merit or even his choice at this point, but simply given because God is love, and he loves his children and looks with favor and forgiveness on us, his church.

"I wanna be in the light..."

Jonathan loves looking at lights. He’ll watch the light in our bedroom when I’m nursing him, and he particularly likes looking at the window over our bed in the morning when it’s bright. He'll be happy for as much as twenty minutes, just staring at it! I’ve taken to singing him the DC Talk song “I wanna be in the light”.

Caffeine is a stimulant.

I tend to forget this fact, as my body doesn’t react to it. But it turns out that Jonathan doesn’t share this trait with me! Yesterday I treated myself to a cherry mocha from It’s A Grind. I drank about half of it in the afternoon and the rest in the evening after dinner. Now, normally this would not be a problem, because for the last ten months I have conscientiously remembered to request my coffee decaffeinated. Unfortunately for us, this time I forgot. The result was that Jonathan slept in the evening, and then woke up on a caffeine high at 1am, 3am, and 5am, refusing to nurse back to sleep at each of these times. What a night! Of course, by the time morning came and I could think a bit more calmly, I realized what had happened and could laugh (a very little) at myself.

The result of this experiment with caffeine in young infants is that he, and I, have slept on and off most of the day. I hope this doesn’t ruin his concept of day and night again!


By the way, I do mean to blog about Jonathan’s baptism. I just haven’t had enough time to sit down and think about it very much yet. If I forget, post in the comments and remind me.

Bedtime

I noticed something this past week. I think that Jonathan is learning that nighttime is for sleeping. Previously, when we wanted to go to bed we pretty much had to wait until Jonathan fell asleep. If he wasn’t asleep pretty completely, he would just wake up as soon as we got in bed, and then he’d cry and we’d have to hold his pacifier for him until he fell back asleep. Or nurse him more, even though I know he’d really had enough to eat. But for the past two nights, when we’ve gone to bed he’s been wide awake, and we just settled him between us and cuddled him, and he went to sleep along with us. So…is that a fluke, or is this a learned behavior? I hope that he’s learning that bed and darkness mean it’s time to sleep!

Wow!

Jonathan just succeeded in putting his pacifier back in his mouth. Twice. He's been working on that for a few days now, but hadn't quite accomplished it until tonight. What a clever son we have!

"I think I could grow foolishly fond of every part of him..."

Jonathan is getting so big! It’s hard for me to believe how much he’s grown in the one short month he’s been here. Gabe and I weighed him the other day and we think he’s about 10.5lbs now. That’s a four pound gain in four weeks!

He’s learning so much – every day, even every hour it seems like he learns something new. He’s looking around so much more now, and I think he’s really seeing things. I also think he’s beginning to recognize things, or at least to recognize us. Tonight Gabe was holding him, and he was crying because he was hungry. I walked in the room, and when he saw me he looked at me and quieted down a bit. It’s interesting how his eyes look different when they’re actually seeing you.

He has so many facial expressions, too. It is fascinating just to watch his face, because it is so mobile. He can look so sad, or puzzled, or interested, or wondering, or pleased, or blissfully happy, or any other myriad of possibilities.

And the newest thing is that he’s making ‘baby sounds’ now. Before this week he really only was silent or crying or fussing. But now, when he’s happy and comfortable, he’ll make cooing sorts of sounds. They’re higher and happier than the fussing, and much more varied. I love his baby sounds.

I think I love everything about him. He makes me foolishly happy. Except I don’t really think it’s foolish. :)

Sleep, glorious sleep!

Last night Jonathan slept for five hours. FIVE HOURS! We went to bed at 10pm, hoped not to be awakened until 2am, and were gloriously surprised to find that it was 3am when he woke us up to feed and change him. What a difference a full sleep cycle makes in your outlook on dirty diapers and middle of the night feedings.

Speaking of diapers, Jonathan doesn’t look nearly so silly in his cloth diapers anymore. When we first brought him home and started using them, he looked positively ridiculous. There was this huge pudgy round white diaper, with a tiny little torso and toothpick legs sticking out of either side of it. Now, however, he’s looking much more normal. Cloth diapers will always look pudgier than their disposable alternatives, but as Jonathan’s body is filling out he does seem to match the diaper size a bit better.

Gosh, but he’s getting big. I can’t believe how different he looks from the tiny infant we brought home from the hospital. Sometimes I look at him and I just want to stop time, or make it go backward…freeze things so that he stays little and perfect. It’s just a little frightening to realize that this time of his life, and of mine, is so fleeting. Then again, I also look at him and enjoy dreaming of what and who he will be someday…and I look forward to him being three and talking, and six and starting school, and ten and playing ball with his dad, and twelve and, and, and. Maybe it’s just as well that I can’t stop time.

In other news, Jonathan is getting better at finding his hands. Last night he brought his hand up to his pacifier and gripped it, three times. He certainly doesn’t have the ability to control them well, but I do think he’s getting the idea that he can control them, at least a little, and could make them useful in getting what he wants.

Procreation...

is one of the most awe inspiring things I've ever tried to think about. Seriously. Just try to wrap your mind completely around the fact that one tiny little cell (one cell!) turns into a little but perfect human being. It's beyond imagining. Who could ever come up with it on their own? And yet we take it completely for granted - of course humans have human babies.

If you have your own baby, go take some time and look at him or her. If you don't have your own, find someone who does and offer to babysit. And look and really see - let your mind reel in the knowledge of such an impossible miracle that you are holding in your arms. Look at his mouth that knows how to suck without ever being taught. Look at his eyes that are made up of so many cells, all working together so that he can actually look back at you. Look at his fingers that can hold onto yours, and his ears that can hear you sing to him. Look at him. He is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Bath time!

Last Wednesday morning Libby came over to help out and hold Jonathan. She’s been doing that lately, and it’s great! Well, this particular morning I had decided that it was high time Jonathan had a bath. His cord had fallen off and he was starting to smell like spit up. So, Libby and I set out all our bath-time equipment. She filled up the baby tub in the sink while I got Jonathan’s diaper off and cleaned him up, then wrapped him in a towel and carried him into the kitchen. Only to find that, between the changing table and the bathtub, Jonathan had pooped in the towel. Well. I cleaned him up with the clean part of the towel, and placed him in the bath sling while Libby went to the bedroom to retrieve another towel. (I now understand why everyone tells you to get more than one of everything.) Jonathan wasn’t quite sure what to make of the bath sling, initially. He sat there and looked very worried, but didn’t cry, at least for the first few minutes as I started washing him off. Unfortunately, this didn’t last long, and I suddenly discovered that the reason for his silence was because he was pooping. In the bath sling. Well. This was a problem. Libby and I did the best we could to clean up with paper towels, and then drained the water in the tub. You can’t give the baby a bath with poop in the water! Of course, Jonathan was now quite upset, because he was no longer sitting in warm water, but very cold air. I got him mostly washed while the tub was filling up again, and had just started rinsing him off when we realized that he was pooping. Again. So, Libby drained the bath tub yet again while I cleaned up with paper towels (you really have to imagine a squalling baby in the background as you read this, to get the full effect.) We didn’t even try to re-fill the bathtub again, this time, just got water from the faucet and did our best to rinse Jonathan as fast as possible. Then lifted him out of the tub, wrapped him in his second towel, took a picture, and headed in to the changing table to put his diaper on. Where we discovered that he had pooped in his towel.

And they say that some people give their babies baths every day!!

Cuddles

There is something indescribably perfect about holding your little boy in your arms as he falls asleep.

I realized this morning that I’m really glad I’m staying at home with Jonathan. Yes, there are many times when I wish for my students, wish for work, wish for people who could talk back! But if I were working, I would miss out on so much! I wouldn’t have the pleasure of learning Jonathan’s sleeping/waking patterns…I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of knowing that he is fussy right now because he is tired and needs to be rocked to sleep, and the enjoyment of cuddling him until he does drop off into dreamland. I like getting to know him as he changes, and I wouldn’t be able to do that nearly as well if I only got to be with him for the few evening hours each day.

Talking

How much are you supposed to talk to a baby? When people come over to see Jonathan, I’ve noticed that they usually keep up a steady babble of commentary directed toward him (and usually in a voice much higher than normal). Of course, they’re only here for a few minutes, or maybe an hour at most. Could they keep up such a running stream of words if they cared for him for all the hours in the day? And is that important? It seems like talking to Jonathan is really important – after all, he’s learning about language and his world and how much he is loved from me, for most hours of the day. Yet I find that I just run out of words. What do you talk to a two-week-old about? I’m often simply at a loss. I sing him songs, and play good classical music for him, and sometimes we dance, and sometimes I read my books out loud to him while we nurse. And when he’s awake and happy it is usually easier and more fun to talk to him, because he’ll look at me and sometimes smile. But is that enough? How do I know if I’m interacting with him enough? Sometimes I really wish babies came with an instruction manual. I’d like an answer that is quantifiable!

By the way, what are your favorite childrens' songs and lullabies? I'm trying to develop my collection a bit. :) Post 'em in the comments!

Superman!

A few days ago Gabe was playing with Jonathan, zooming him around the house on his arm. It was very cute and funny, as Jonathan would fling his arms out to the sides, and did indeed look very much like he was flying. I watched this in some slight trepidation, knowing that the flung out arms were a startle reflex and that Jonathan probably wasn't having nearly as much fun as his dad. I decided not to say anything about it, though. Well, the next evening we were sitting eating dinner, and Gabe shifted Jonathan to a new position. Jonathan startled, and the following conversation ensued:

Gabe: "Why does he do that?"
Emily: "It's a startle reflex...he does it when he doesn't feel secure. Like he's going to fall or something."
Gabe: "Oh. So that's why he had his arms out when I was flying him? I thought he was being Superman."


4-24-05
Jonathan has a bellybutton now!

4-25-05
Today was Jonathan's first check-up, and he is coming along swimmingly! He's actually gained a whole pound, as well as making up the weight he lost at the beginning. I'm so glad to know that he's eating well...it's silly, perhaps, but since I don't have the nice neat numbers of ounces in bottles to depend on, I worried a bit whether I was feeding him enough or if he was nursing properly. It's nice to know that all is well and he's growing strong and healthy.

Happiness is...

singing and dancing to the Beach Boys with your new baby. :)

I'm joining the blogging world because I want a place to write down all the little random motherhood happenings that occur in my new world. And yes, it really does consist mostly of laundry and lullabies at the moment. And diaper changing and 2am feedings. But I'm finding that the mundane chores are full of a rich goodness that I can see, if I remember to look for it. And in between there are the funny moments and the heartbreakingly beautiful ones...and I want to remember all of them.

Besides, I'm sure if you're reading this, you want to know all about Jonathan's new life with us too! So, read on for updates, pictures, anecdotes, and musings!

This first post will be rather lengthy, as I have to catch up with all the little notes I've written to myself since we came home from the hospital.

The first week:

"Oh my goodness!!!" - Gabe's reaction to green poop. :) The same reaction was elicited when Jonathan peed during a diaper change - all over his own face and everything else within range. Please notice that my wonderful husband is changing diapers.

I've noticed that Jonathan is calmer, and often settles himself to sleep with classical music playing. I mentioned this to Gabe and opined that perhaps he'd be a musician when he grew up. Gabe's response: "I'm not sure the fact that he falls asleep bodes will for his musicianship." Touché. Well, I can dream, right?

Gabe is reading Beowulf to Jonathan in the evenings when he gets home from work.

4-17-05
Jonathan is finding his hands, occasionally, and enjoying sucking on them when he does. It's fun to watch him discover his world. I wonder if he knows that his hands are HIS hands yet?

4-18-05
Last night I was feeling insecure about being a mom...not for any particular reason; I think it was mostly just because I was tired. I told Gabe, when we'd gone to bed, that I thought I was going to need to be told, (often!), that he loved me and that I was a good mother. He was loving and reassuring, and I went to sleep comforted. Today at lunchtime the phone rang. It was Gabe, calling to say "I love you, and you're a great mom!" :) I have a wonderful husband.

4-21-05
Jonathan has been working on holding up his head. Last night he looked around for a good five seconds before flopping back against my shoulder. And this morning he did even better. I wonder how much he can see, now. He gives the impression that he really wants to look around at the world. His eyes are so bright and innocent.

Hiccups are a daily (or twice or thrice daily) occurrence for Jonathan. He hiccuped a lot inside me, too, so I guess I shouldn't surprised. HE is sure surprised, though - he looks at me in puzzlement like he'd like to say "Mommy, what did you DO to me???"

I was sort of expecting to have to pep talk myself out of being irritated with the state of my figure post-delivery. Strangely enough, that hasn't happened. I'm twenty pounds heavier than normal, and I've never felt prettier. I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see...who knew giving birth could give me such a new view of myself?

They say babies don't smile before six weeks. But Jonathan smiles - he DOES - he looks at me and grins. I think it’s a happy/content reflex, at the least. And it’s beautiful and makes me want to kiss him and maybe cry a little. He's perfect, and he's OURS.

Jonathan rolled from his back to his side today. He couldn't move from his side, once there, but he was content for a good twenty minutes. Go Jonathan!