Hymns and praise songs

I've seen the first part of this before, but the second part was new to me. And the beginning makes me laugh to the point of tears every time anyway. :) Hat tip to StandFirm.


An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended a large church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

"Well," said the farmer, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise songs instead of hymns."

"Praise songs," said his wife, "What are those?"

"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like hymns, only different," said the farmer.

"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.

The farmer said, "It's like this - If I were to say to you: ‘Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well that would be a hymn. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

‘Martha Martha, Martha,
Oh, Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA,
the cows, the big cows, the brown cows,
the black cows, the white cows,
the black and white cows,
the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn,
are in the corn, are in the corn,
are in the corn, the CORN, CORN, CORN,'

Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well, that would be a praise song."

Coincidentally, the same week, a young businessman from the city who normally attended a church with contemporary-style worship was in the old farmer's town on business. He visited the farmer's small town church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

"Well," said the young man, "it was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs." ?

"Hymns," said his wife, "what are those?"

"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like regular songs, only different," said the young man.

"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.

The young man said, "It's like this - If I were to say to you, ‘Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well that would be a regular song. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry.
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.
Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.

For the way of the animals who can explain;
There in their heads is no shadow of sense,
Hearkenest they in God's sun or his rain,
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.

Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broken free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.

So look to that bright shining day by and by,
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.

Then, if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn."