Perspective

I wrote this last night in a fit of self-pity and frustration. Actually it was much longer, but you can get the tone from this portion.

I know that my brand of "morning sickness" (never confined to the morning!) isn't nearly as bad as it could be. I have a friend who spent the last ten weeks vomiting everything she put in her mouth, so yes, I know that it could be much, much worse. I know that, and yet that knowledge isn't making me feel better about mine. There is nothing that makes me feel more defeated than a never-ending nausea, particularly on those days when it sends me running for the bathroom, puking up nothing.

Life can look pretty dismal sometimes, can't it? Last night it looked pretty awful. Parts of today were not much better - at one point I broke down and cried on the phone to Gabe. Pregnancy hormones can get to you no matter how hard you're trying! But it is no fun to live there, moping and feeling sorry for yourself. So today I tried to look at life a little differently. First item of business: admit that this particular aspect of pregnancy really stinks. It isn't as bad as it could be, but that doesn't negate the fact that it is hard and no fun to feel nauseous most of the day. Second item of business: try to notice (and then focus on) the many things that are going well. It is so easy to overlook them in an exhausted pregnancy fog, and I think forgetting to notice the good things makes the bad things seem much more overwhelming.

So today I noticed.

I noticed that Thomas naps in the morning, giving me time to pay individual attention to Jonathan as well as to have 45 minutes of peace and quiet (while Thomas is sleeping and Jonathan is having a quiet time.)

I noticed that the boys play together. Quite well, a surprising amount of the time. Yes, I have to police them a bit and break up some fights, but overall they play together happily for quite long stretches of time.

I noticed that the boys love to play outside. They will play outside for hours if I let them (and usually I do!) I can sit myself in a folding chair and keep an eye on them while reading or paying bills or other minor "desk" work.

I noticed that I have a washing machine in my house. That mountain of laundry that I cried over last night would be so much more difficult if I had to do it at a laundromat. It is ok to find it daunting at times (it really was a very big pile!) but perspective points out that I have a washing machine, a dryer, and a lovely clothes line to hang things on. And it is sunny and beautiful outside.

I noticed that both of my boys nap at the same time. I napped, too.

I noticed that I had good food in the freezer and the pantry, and it only took about 20 minutes to get a healthy spaghetti dinner on the table.

I noticed that my husband left for work early so he could come home for dinner, even though it would probably have been easier for him to sleep later, leave later, and go directly to his evening meeting. He loves us enough to come home.

I noticed that both boys go to bed at the same time, with a mostly shared routine, and that I am free to sit down and blog at 8:15pm.

I noticed that I have a pretty good life.