It’s been awhile since I last posted because we’ve been on vacation. Actually, we’ve been on a trip…I’m not quite sure it felt like vacation. :) We spent 11 days driving up to Elko, NV to see Steve, then across to Northern California to see my family, and then up to Toledo, OR to see Gabe’s extended family. I’m so glad we got to do it all, but it was exhausting. I think having a baby along made it more so than it would have been…the first few nights especially were pretty tough, as Jonathan had slept in the car most of the day and so didn’t feel the need to sleep at night. Thankfully it didn’t stay that way through the whole trip!
Poor kid, it’s hard enough for me (as an adult!) to handle 12 hours in the car. Jonathan just couldn’t understand why he had to be in the horrible car seat so much! He was fine in the mornings, especially when we left really early before he was really awake. But afternoons were awful unless we could get him to go to sleep. Gabe and I sang so many songs, and let Jonathan suck on our fingers, and shushed and sang some more and played Pat-a-cake until we couldn’t see straight. And when all else failed we gave up and stopped the car and took him out – which immediately made the world a brighter place until we put him back in.
The days we weren’t driving were lots of fun, though. It was great to see Steve, especially since it seems like most of our efforts to get together with him get thwarted one way or the other! We went hiking in the mountains, with Jonathan in the sling on Gabe’s hip and the diaper bag slung over my shoulder. It was absolutely beautiful, and lots of fun on the way up. The way down wasn’t so great, because I got what I think is altitude sickness, and wasn’t quite sure I was going to make it back down! A dizzy head and shaky knees on a narrow trail on the side of a mountain just aren’t the best. But Gabe and Steve were very sweet and I leaned on Gabe’s arm and made it down ok. I think I’ll stay a tad below 9700 feet in the future. :)
We also went out to see the ranch that Steve’s parents own. It’s a Christian camp out in the absolute middle of nowhere. No kidding…they can’t even get electricity because the closest power lines are 16 miles away. You have to drive for over half an hour on a dirt road just to get there, and that’s after driving the first half hour on a windy paved road through what you think is the middle of nowhere. Nevada is a crazy state.
The time with my family was great. Gabe and I left Jonathan with Mom (who loves being Grandmommy!) and went to the river to have lunch and put our feet in. It was a lot of fun to re-live the memories of when we first went there together, the summer before we got engaged. We also went to Nevada City to wander around town and visit a really cool bookstore. We spent lots of money we shouldn’t have on books, and then topped it off with ice cream on the way back to the car.
We also got to show off our son to his great-grandparents, which was really cool. Grandpa actually held Jonathan for more than a few seconds, which is rather amazing. It’s been the family joke ever since I was born that Grandpa holds the baby for a few seconds, just long enough to look terrified for the picture, and then give him/her back as quickly as possible. But he seems to have relaxed a bit, because he held Jonathan without any visible nerves or trouble at all. We have some great pictures.
Driving through Oregon was an amazing experience. I have never been in such a breathtakingly beautiful place. I kept pointing out the window and saying “look, Gabe, I want to live there.” And then a few minutes later “oh look, I want to live there!” After listening to this for the entire trip, Gabe finally turned to me and said with some exasperation, “Emily, you’ve pointed out thirty places that you want to live!” Actually, I think it was probably a lot more than thirty…at least I’d be easy to please up there, right?
My very favorite was a lovely large farmhouse, dark brown, set far enough back in the trees that you could only just see it from the road. There was a meadow beside the house, surrounded by trees, and a creek running alongside. It looked like the perfect place to raise children…just think of the fun and learning that could happen with a meadow to pasture goats and maybe a horse in, and a creek to wade in and catch tadpoles and minnows, and trees to climb and, and, and! When I picture my daydream family and home, it is in a place like that: homeschooling, teaching my children to love the outdoors and never feel the need for TV, helping them learn responsibility and compassion by taking care of animals, running around playing hide and seek in the trees.
Ok, back from my dreaming. It was nice to get a chance to meet some of Gabe’s extended family members. I guess technically I’d met them before, because they came to our wedding, but I don’t really remember them. Now I have a much better grasp of who Uncle Dave actually is. :) Grandma Moothart was a wonderfully caring and yet laid back hostess, and she was thrilled to get to meet Jonathan. She gave us a cute set of clothes that fit Jonathan perfectly, and had last been worn by Dad Moothart! We had fun meals in her home and at area restaurants, went walking on the beach (they have sand dunes!) and picked blackberries in the yard. Grandma even made us a blackberry pie!
The drive home was tough, I think particularly because it was the end and we were so tired and I just desperately wanted to be home. I enjoyed all the people on the trip, but after so many days all I wanted was my own house and peace and quiet and the chance to try to re-create some semblance of a schedule for Jonathan. But as long drives go, it really wasn’t too bad. Jonathan slept for much of the two days, and still slept at night without too much trouble, and we spent the night between the long driving days at my parents home again, which was nice. Poor Mom – she didn’t want to give Jonathan up!
Speaking of Mom, she was wonderful with Jonathan and wonderful to Gabe and I. We really got a huge break when we were there, because she just sort of took over and held him a lot. Even when he cried, Mom was right there ready to take him (even in the middle of the night!) It was sort of strange not be the one who always needed to hold him when he cried…I felt a bit displaced for awhile because I didn’t know quite how to be “mom” when Grandma was around! But that only lasted a short time, and then I settled in to enjoy the fact that it wasn’t all on my shoulders for a bit. It was definitely nice.
Before I forget: Jonathan learned how to roll over while we were up in Oregon! He succeeded in rolling from back to tummy, and also from tummy to back. Unfortunately, now that he’s home and back in his big cloth diapers, he doesn’t seem to be able to do it anymore. The diapers seem to be just too much weight and unwieldy bulk to allow him to move as easily as he did in the disposables we used on the trip. But now at least we (and he!) know that he can do it – maybe it’ll just take a bit more time to gain the strength necessary to do it with the diaper.
Jonathan is also laughing now. Not the half-way chuckle of before, but a full-on laugh. And he finds the funniest things funny! Tonight Gabe was trying to get him to roll over, and so he demonstrated it for him by flopping over from his back to his stomach beside Jonathan. For some reason this was the funniest thing Jonathan had ever seen…he laughed every time Gabe did it.
My baby’s laugh is the most wonderful sound in the world. I hope he does it more and more often.
Ok, it’s past my bedtime and I’m exhausted. I’ll blog more later when I can think straight again.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Nursing
Jonathan is nursing about once every four hours in the day, and about every five or six hours at night. "Hurrah", you say, "that's great," you say. And when I was nursing every two hours I thought I would agree with you...
I miss getting to nurse him more often. It's a kind of closeness that just isn't duplicated in any other activity. It's the time when he looks up at me with utter contentment and trust in his wide eyes, and I can focus on him and love him and stroke his cheek and cuddle his tiny body as it relaxes against mine. It's totally different from holding him other times during the day.
Nursing less often really brings home the reality that little babies grow up incredibly fast. It's a little scary how fast - I almost want to say "slow down, wait, I'm not done with you at this stage, yet!" And yet I rejoice in all his new accomplishments as well...
Speaking of which, last night I got to watch as he discovered what cold glass feels like. I was lying on the bed with him, having just finished nursing, and Gabe had brought me a glass of cold water. Jonathan was intrigued by the blue color of the glass, I think, and reached out for it. The wonder in his face as he touched, and smiled, and touched again, was incredible.
I think I really like babies. I guess I'll just have to have a lot of them. :)
I miss getting to nurse him more often. It's a kind of closeness that just isn't duplicated in any other activity. It's the time when he looks up at me with utter contentment and trust in his wide eyes, and I can focus on him and love him and stroke his cheek and cuddle his tiny body as it relaxes against mine. It's totally different from holding him other times during the day.
Nursing less often really brings home the reality that little babies grow up incredibly fast. It's a little scary how fast - I almost want to say "slow down, wait, I'm not done with you at this stage, yet!" And yet I rejoice in all his new accomplishments as well...
Speaking of which, last night I got to watch as he discovered what cold glass feels like. I was lying on the bed with him, having just finished nursing, and Gabe had brought me a glass of cold water. Jonathan was intrigued by the blue color of the glass, I think, and reached out for it. The wonder in his face as he touched, and smiled, and touched again, was incredible.
I think I really like babies. I guess I'll just have to have a lot of them. :)
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Public transportation
I’ve decided that I don’t like Whittier public transportation.
I spent the morning and early afternoon doing a practice run on the bus routes that I’ll need to take to get to work at the Gorman Learning Center this year. It was not a pleasant experience. Of the four buses I took, three were either Montebello or Foothill Transit buses, and of those three, all the drivers were unkind.** I got the impression that young moms with babies were the worst kind of second-class citizen, at least in the drivers’ minds. They made me feel like they’d much rather I jumped in the lake rather than get on their bus. The first one actually didn’t want to let me on with my stroller, even though it folds in half to take up less space. What did he want me to do, leave it there at the bus stop? I insisted, and he wasn’t pleased with me at all. The second driver informed me three times while I was paying and going to a seat that I had to fold up the stroller. Nevermind that I’d already smiled and said “yes, of course”. And the third one just gave me a dirty look in response to a smile, and only grunted when I got off and said “thank you.” For heaven’s sake, these people give the impression that they wish all humans would disappear. I bet the rapture could happen and they’d enjoy being left behind.
I could understand better if Jonathan had been screaming when we got on. But he never did. He was perfectly quiet and smiling and happy for the entire trip, every time.
It’s going to be a long year riding buses with these people.
** (In fairness, the Norwalk Transit bus I took had a delightful driver who smiled and offered to help me get the stroller on the bus.)
I spent the morning and early afternoon doing a practice run on the bus routes that I’ll need to take to get to work at the Gorman Learning Center this year. It was not a pleasant experience. Of the four buses I took, three were either Montebello or Foothill Transit buses, and of those three, all the drivers were unkind.** I got the impression that young moms with babies were the worst kind of second-class citizen, at least in the drivers’ minds. They made me feel like they’d much rather I jumped in the lake rather than get on their bus. The first one actually didn’t want to let me on with my stroller, even though it folds in half to take up less space. What did he want me to do, leave it there at the bus stop? I insisted, and he wasn’t pleased with me at all. The second driver informed me three times while I was paying and going to a seat that I had to fold up the stroller. Nevermind that I’d already smiled and said “yes, of course”. And the third one just gave me a dirty look in response to a smile, and only grunted when I got off and said “thank you.” For heaven’s sake, these people give the impression that they wish all humans would disappear. I bet the rapture could happen and they’d enjoy being left behind.
I could understand better if Jonathan had been screaming when we got on. But he never did. He was perfectly quiet and smiling and happy for the entire trip, every time.
It’s going to be a long year riding buses with these people.
** (In fairness, the Norwalk Transit bus I took had a delightful driver who smiled and offered to help me get the stroller on the bus.)
Friday, August 05, 2005
So much to learn!
Jonathan is learning and changing so fast now I can hardly keep up with it. It seems like sometimes he learns something overnight…one day he can’t do it, and the next he can. I am continually amazed.
This morning he giggled for the first time. It was a real laugh…not the “heh” that he’s done before a few times, but a real one. It’s a charming sound and I hope that he’ll grace our house with it often.
He’s much better at using his hands now. He’s very actively working on the idea of opening and shutting his fingers in order to hold onto and grab at things. It’s very intentional…the other night I was reading a magazine, and he reached for it, dragging his fingers across it multiple times until he succeeded in getting the edge, and then he closed his fist and pulled. He definitely knows what he needs to do, and he’s working hard to do it!
About a week ago, Jonathan pretty much stopped talking. He would make sounds when he was crying, but almost completely stopped making his talking, happy sounds. I missed them! But all of a sudden yesterday he started again…and he has about ten times as many sounds as he used to! He uses more vowel sounds, much more intonation, and has also discovered that he can use sounds (other than crying) to communicate unhappiness. My last two days have been very full of “conversations” with him.
I wonder if perhaps he’s starting to have some separation anxiety. For about a week now, he has wanted to be held pretty much 100% of the time. It’s been really difficult to get anything done, especially because for a few days I had a hard time even putting him down to sleep…he’d wake up as soon as I took him out of the sling. It’s not quite like that now, but I can’t put him in the swing unless I’m working right at the table next to him. If I walk into the kitchen where he can’t see me, he’ll cry. So now I put him in the stroller and just take him with me into whatever room I need to work in. I’m glad that it works, because it’s really tiring to wear him 90% of the day.
Yesterday was a big day for him: he went swimming and got his first taste of watermelon. :) Mom’s group was at the Reynold’s swimming pool, and Kat brought treats (watermelon and healthy cupcakes) because it was Elisa’s birthday party too. All the kiddies were playing in the water (and having a marvelous time doing it!) I borrowed a swimmy diaper from Jessica, and took Jonathan in too. I wasn’t sure how he’d handle it, since he didn’t seem to like his feet dipped in when I’d done that before…but he did really well! I just held him really close to me, and talked to him the whole time, and by the time I took him out he’d smiled a few times and seemed to be enjoying it. I have a swimmy diaper on order for him, and when it comes, I think we’ll go swimming often in the complex pool. I really enjoyed it, and from the grins on the faces of the other kids, I think that with some more practice Jonathan will grow to love it too.
Anyway, after we got out, we were eating cupcakes and watermelon, and I brushed the watermelon up against Jonathan’s mouth so he could taste it. He looked sort of confused for a minute, and pushed his tongue out a bit, but then he realized that it tasted good, and he shoved his face up against it and started sucking away. It was terribly cute, and I’m glad Jenn had her camera handy.
Ok, so that’s a lot of update on Jonathan. Now for an update on Mommy…I could use some prayer for healing. My shoulders have been giving me quite a bit of problem for some weeks now, especially the right one. I figured it was just overwork because Jonathan was getting big so fast, but they’ve been getting worse – my right arm and hand have started going numb on occasion, and I can’t do a few moves in karate with that arm. So I went to a chiropractor yesterday, to see if he had any suggestions. It turns out that I have some minor tears in the shoulder muscle, and he thinks there is also a small tear in the rotator cuff. Thankfully, they are all minor enough that they will mostly heal themselves. He gave me a few stretching exercises to do, said to try to alternate the arm that I use to hold Jonathan, and said definitely to keep swimming and doing karate, albeit carefully. After we get back from our vacation, I’m going to go back for appointments for a few weeks…he says he thinks it will probably be fixed in six weekly appointments. So we’ll see. But in the meantime, it’s getting more and more painful to hold Jonathan…it hurt pretty severely today when I was trying to lift him into the sling. So if you could, please pray that the tears wouldn’t get worse, and that holding Jonathan would not be so painful. Thanks, friends. :)
This morning he giggled for the first time. It was a real laugh…not the “heh” that he’s done before a few times, but a real one. It’s a charming sound and I hope that he’ll grace our house with it often.
He’s much better at using his hands now. He’s very actively working on the idea of opening and shutting his fingers in order to hold onto and grab at things. It’s very intentional…the other night I was reading a magazine, and he reached for it, dragging his fingers across it multiple times until he succeeded in getting the edge, and then he closed his fist and pulled. He definitely knows what he needs to do, and he’s working hard to do it!
About a week ago, Jonathan pretty much stopped talking. He would make sounds when he was crying, but almost completely stopped making his talking, happy sounds. I missed them! But all of a sudden yesterday he started again…and he has about ten times as many sounds as he used to! He uses more vowel sounds, much more intonation, and has also discovered that he can use sounds (other than crying) to communicate unhappiness. My last two days have been very full of “conversations” with him.
I wonder if perhaps he’s starting to have some separation anxiety. For about a week now, he has wanted to be held pretty much 100% of the time. It’s been really difficult to get anything done, especially because for a few days I had a hard time even putting him down to sleep…he’d wake up as soon as I took him out of the sling. It’s not quite like that now, but I can’t put him in the swing unless I’m working right at the table next to him. If I walk into the kitchen where he can’t see me, he’ll cry. So now I put him in the stroller and just take him with me into whatever room I need to work in. I’m glad that it works, because it’s really tiring to wear him 90% of the day.
Yesterday was a big day for him: he went swimming and got his first taste of watermelon. :) Mom’s group was at the Reynold’s swimming pool, and Kat brought treats (watermelon and healthy cupcakes) because it was Elisa’s birthday party too. All the kiddies were playing in the water (and having a marvelous time doing it!) I borrowed a swimmy diaper from Jessica, and took Jonathan in too. I wasn’t sure how he’d handle it, since he didn’t seem to like his feet dipped in when I’d done that before…but he did really well! I just held him really close to me, and talked to him the whole time, and by the time I took him out he’d smiled a few times and seemed to be enjoying it. I have a swimmy diaper on order for him, and when it comes, I think we’ll go swimming often in the complex pool. I really enjoyed it, and from the grins on the faces of the other kids, I think that with some more practice Jonathan will grow to love it too.
Anyway, after we got out, we were eating cupcakes and watermelon, and I brushed the watermelon up against Jonathan’s mouth so he could taste it. He looked sort of confused for a minute, and pushed his tongue out a bit, but then he realized that it tasted good, and he shoved his face up against it and started sucking away. It was terribly cute, and I’m glad Jenn had her camera handy.
Ok, so that’s a lot of update on Jonathan. Now for an update on Mommy…I could use some prayer for healing. My shoulders have been giving me quite a bit of problem for some weeks now, especially the right one. I figured it was just overwork because Jonathan was getting big so fast, but they’ve been getting worse – my right arm and hand have started going numb on occasion, and I can’t do a few moves in karate with that arm. So I went to a chiropractor yesterday, to see if he had any suggestions. It turns out that I have some minor tears in the shoulder muscle, and he thinks there is also a small tear in the rotator cuff. Thankfully, they are all minor enough that they will mostly heal themselves. He gave me a few stretching exercises to do, said to try to alternate the arm that I use to hold Jonathan, and said definitely to keep swimming and doing karate, albeit carefully. After we get back from our vacation, I’m going to go back for appointments for a few weeks…he says he thinks it will probably be fixed in six weekly appointments. So we’ll see. But in the meantime, it’s getting more and more painful to hold Jonathan…it hurt pretty severely today when I was trying to lift him into the sling. So if you could, please pray that the tears wouldn’t get worse, and that holding Jonathan would not be so painful. Thanks, friends. :)
Monday, August 01, 2005
One week shy of four months...
and Jonathan has decided it is time to learn how to roll over. Currently he can throw his shoulder into it and roll most of his upper torso over, but his rather large diapered bottom can't quite follow. :) Soon, perhaps!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Living hand to mouth
But not in the way most people mean it. :) Jonathan lives "hand to mouth" all the time now. Anything he can get in his hand, goes directly to his mouth. That is, if it stays in his hand long enough. He doesn't quite have the idea of opening and closing his fingers yet. :) But he's learning, more and more each day!
Teaching!
I have a job for the coming year! It's a wonderful, perfect, God-given job that will only require 3 hours of classroom teaching, and one (or so) hours of prep at home. So right now, in between the laundry and the lullabies, I am dreaming up the best way to teach 90% of the california standards for 7th grade math in two class hours a week. I'm loving it. :) As much as I like being a mommy, teaching is my vocation, my calling, my fascination. I can't wait to go back.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Karate update
It's too hot to do anything, and Jonathan is still in the middle of his afternoon nap, so a quick update.
It's going ok.
It's incredibly hard on my body, which I think is actually because it exacerbates a problem I'm already having: namely that Jonathan gained weight faster than my muscles could keep up. So I'm tired and sore almost all the time anyway, and when you hurt at the beginning of a karate class, that's a tough place to be.
But I'm enjoying re-learning and remembering all the forms (I have 6 of them back completely now, and another two are starting to solidify again.) And sparring is still fun, which was a bit of a surprise, and one I'm quite happy about.
Leslie keeps telling me to take it easy. I'm trying. It's hard to find a balance, because I want to work hard and at the highest level that I can...but I also don't want to really hurt myself. And I don't want to burn myself out with less serious hurts either.
I'm going to keep it up. Remind me of that if I start talking about quitting again. :)
It's going ok.
It's incredibly hard on my body, which I think is actually because it exacerbates a problem I'm already having: namely that Jonathan gained weight faster than my muscles could keep up. So I'm tired and sore almost all the time anyway, and when you hurt at the beginning of a karate class, that's a tough place to be.
But I'm enjoying re-learning and remembering all the forms (I have 6 of them back completely now, and another two are starting to solidify again.) And sparring is still fun, which was a bit of a surprise, and one I'm quite happy about.
Leslie keeps telling me to take it easy. I'm trying. It's hard to find a balance, because I want to work hard and at the highest level that I can...but I also don't want to really hurt myself. And I don't want to burn myself out with less serious hurts either.
I'm going to keep it up. Remind me of that if I start talking about quitting again. :)
If I were...
My sister at my life tagged me a few days ago with the "if I were..." game. So, Sarah, here it is. :)
If I could be a doctor...I'd want to be independantly wealthy first so that I wouldn't have to charge much, and would never have to belong to an HMO plan. Then I could spend as much time as I wanted with each patient, and be able to really listen and help them.
If I could be a gardener...I would need a greener thumb. Somehow half of everything I plant seems to bite the dust much sooner than it ought. However, now that I have my own backyard, Gabe and I are making some serious attempts at creating a green oasis as part of our household retreat. We'll see how well it works. My dreams currently include a patch of lawn (real, lush, green, soft, mmmm!) a small veggie and strawberry garden, and a flower garden with white roses, daisies, white day lillies, honeysuckle, and anything else that strikes my fancy.
If I could be a musician...well, I am one. But at the moment my talents are directed more toward "eensy weensy spider" than Verdi's Requiem. Sometimes that makes me sad - I love to be part of a really good choir and have the joy that comes from being one voice in a great soaring sound rising to heaven. Maybe when Jonathan is a little older and not nursing quite so often, I'll be able to join a semi-professional choir and have that again. I'd also love to (someday in the future) start a homeschool group choir, and maybe a good kids choir at my church too...so many possibilities!
If I could be a missionary and a linguist...I'd be just like Sharon.
If I could be a wife and a mother...and I am...I refer you to Sarah's post here. She says it much better than I can, and I wholeheartedly agree with her. It's harder than it sounds to actually do it, though, and I'm finding myself appreciating my own mom so much more these days. Mommying is all about giving up what you want...all the time. And that's hard to do! I think that God gives women husbands so that we can start learning how to deny ourselves, and then gives us children to finish the job. Being a wife and a mother is learning to sacrifice self to others without grudging it; learning to walk in Christ's footsteps.
If you'd like to play, please do! Here are the questions:
If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...If I could be a wife...If I could be a mom...
I'd really love to hear from Jessica, and Elena, and Amber, if you don't mind taking the time. But if you're busy mommying, I completely understand!
If I could be a doctor...I'd want to be independantly wealthy first so that I wouldn't have to charge much, and would never have to belong to an HMO plan. Then I could spend as much time as I wanted with each patient, and be able to really listen and help them.
If I could be a gardener...I would need a greener thumb. Somehow half of everything I plant seems to bite the dust much sooner than it ought. However, now that I have my own backyard, Gabe and I are making some serious attempts at creating a green oasis as part of our household retreat. We'll see how well it works. My dreams currently include a patch of lawn (real, lush, green, soft, mmmm!) a small veggie and strawberry garden, and a flower garden with white roses, daisies, white day lillies, honeysuckle, and anything else that strikes my fancy.
If I could be a musician...well, I am one. But at the moment my talents are directed more toward "eensy weensy spider" than Verdi's Requiem. Sometimes that makes me sad - I love to be part of a really good choir and have the joy that comes from being one voice in a great soaring sound rising to heaven. Maybe when Jonathan is a little older and not nursing quite so often, I'll be able to join a semi-professional choir and have that again. I'd also love to (someday in the future) start a homeschool group choir, and maybe a good kids choir at my church too...so many possibilities!
If I could be a missionary and a linguist...I'd be just like Sharon.
If I could be a wife and a mother...and I am...I refer you to Sarah's post here. She says it much better than I can, and I wholeheartedly agree with her. It's harder than it sounds to actually do it, though, and I'm finding myself appreciating my own mom so much more these days. Mommying is all about giving up what you want...all the time. And that's hard to do! I think that God gives women husbands so that we can start learning how to deny ourselves, and then gives us children to finish the job. Being a wife and a mother is learning to sacrifice self to others without grudging it; learning to walk in Christ's footsteps.
If you'd like to play, please do! Here are the questions:
If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...If I could be a wife...If I could be a mom...
I'd really love to hear from Jessica, and Elena, and Amber, if you don't mind taking the time. But if you're busy mommying, I completely understand!
Kisses, exploration, and heat.
Jonathan has discovered that kisses are happy things. He now responds to kisses on his cheeks with big smiles, and kissing noises get out and out grins. It's fun to see him starting to associate acts of love with happiness.
Also, he now knows how to bring things to his mouth. And he brings EVERYTHING to his mouth! He doesn't know how to reach for things yet, but if you put anything in his hand, or if something happens to be in grabbing distance (his hand closes on it by accident) then into his mouth it goes! He just wants to experience the whole world through his mouth right now. I'm having fun giving him things with different textures to chew on.
It is abominably hot. God grant that I am never 8 months pregnant during July.
Jonathan and I are doing our best to keep cool...we go out to the pool in the afternoon when it's worst in the house, and I have a fan blowing on him as much as I can (the best seems to be putting him in the swing with the fan on him.) It's hard, though, because holding him doesn't really make him happy because he's sad 'cause he's hot and holding him just makes it worse. Only he doesn't know that, and so he's just unhappy. I feel bad for the poor kid. I'm miserable too, but at least I understand why. He's just miserable, and I can't make it better.
Also, he now knows how to bring things to his mouth. And he brings EVERYTHING to his mouth! He doesn't know how to reach for things yet, but if you put anything in his hand, or if something happens to be in grabbing distance (his hand closes on it by accident) then into his mouth it goes! He just wants to experience the whole world through his mouth right now. I'm having fun giving him things with different textures to chew on.
It is abominably hot. God grant that I am never 8 months pregnant during July.
Jonathan and I are doing our best to keep cool...we go out to the pool in the afternoon when it's worst in the house, and I have a fan blowing on him as much as I can (the best seems to be putting him in the swing with the fan on him.) It's hard, though, because holding him doesn't really make him happy because he's sad 'cause he's hot and holding him just makes it worse. Only he doesn't know that, and so he's just unhappy. I feel bad for the poor kid. I'm miserable too, but at least I understand why. He's just miserable, and I can't make it better.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Grace
I've been reading Charles Swindoll's book The Grace Awakening this past week or so, and wanted to share an epiphany moment. Ok, here it is:
I am a new creation in Christ. I don't have to sin. In fact, the normal state of my life now should be not sinning.
Ok, now, that's all very nice and good and sunday school and we've all heard it, right? But bear with me here. :)
I don't know about the rest of you, but I grew up being told, effectively, "God's grace covers you when you do sin. Just be sure to confess everything...and if you're not sure, confess whatever you can't remember." The focus was on what to do when I sinned.
The result of this was an incredible guilt complex. Every time I tried to confess, I'd wrack my brain trying to think of everything I could possibly have done wrong...and when I couldn't think of anything, I felt even worse. After all, if I couldn't think of anything I'd either forgotten it all (how uncaring!) or was so prideful as to think I didn't have any sins to confess. Right?
Wrong!!
As a new creation, my normal state of life should be not sinning! If I can't think of anything sinful to confess, then I should in all humility and joy thank God for his abundant grace that has conquered sin.
Maybe this is old hat to you, but it is huge and new and joyous to me.
I am a new creation in Christ. I don't have to sin. In fact, the normal state of my life now should be not sinning.
Ok, now, that's all very nice and good and sunday school and we've all heard it, right? But bear with me here. :)
I don't know about the rest of you, but I grew up being told, effectively, "God's grace covers you when you do sin. Just be sure to confess everything...and if you're not sure, confess whatever you can't remember." The focus was on what to do when I sinned.
The result of this was an incredible guilt complex. Every time I tried to confess, I'd wrack my brain trying to think of everything I could possibly have done wrong...and when I couldn't think of anything, I felt even worse. After all, if I couldn't think of anything I'd either forgotten it all (how uncaring!) or was so prideful as to think I didn't have any sins to confess. Right?
Wrong!!
As a new creation, my normal state of life should be not sinning! If I can't think of anything sinful to confess, then I should in all humility and joy thank God for his abundant grace that has conquered sin.
Maybe this is old hat to you, but it is huge and new and joyous to me.
More on birth control
I wanted to clarify a few things in an actual post, rather than in an increasingly long comment string. :)
First, I don't believe that procreation is the be-all end-all of sex. It is one aspect of it, along with pleasure and unity with your spouse. I think that if any of the three are absent, something real has been lost. It's a package deal that we have only very recently unpackaged.
Second, I am not making a blanket statement that all couples should take this position. I hold a very strong position that this is what we are supposed to be doing...but my position on what others are doing is held loosely if at all. Every couple will have a different situation, and since there is nowhere in the Bible that says "Thou shalt not use birth control", I see no need or justification for being dogmatic.
First, I don't believe that procreation is the be-all end-all of sex. It is one aspect of it, along with pleasure and unity with your spouse. I think that if any of the three are absent, something real has been lost. It's a package deal that we have only very recently unpackaged.
Second, I am not making a blanket statement that all couples should take this position. I hold a very strong position that this is what we are supposed to be doing...but my position on what others are doing is held loosely if at all. Every couple will have a different situation, and since there is nowhere in the Bible that says "Thou shalt not use birth control", I see no need or justification for being dogmatic.
Blessings!
Two weeks ago I happened to sit next to a pregnant woman in church. I hadn't met her before, but we exchanged handshakes during the peace, and chatted for a few minutes about her duedate and how Jonathan was doing...you know, mommy talk. ;) In the course of that three minute conversation, she asked if I could use baby boy clothes, as her coming child is a girl, and she was going to give the boy clothes from her first child away to Goodwill. I said yes, please, but didn't really think that it would happen. Things like that often get said and then forgotten, you know?
But last Sunday there she was with a HUGE sack of baby clothes. Seriously, there are hundreds of dollars worth of clothes in that bag. And she just gave it to me. She said she was glad to give it to someone, rather than just to a charity.
The amazing thing is that this happened just as I was wondering what I was going to dress Jonathan in once he finished outgrowing all his clothes. Which he is doing right now. Silly us, we forgot to budget for baby clothes...but they must be bought!
It is amazing to me how God blesses us in such immediate response to our worries and needs. It is hard for me to trust him for our daily bread...but he provides so abundantly when I do.
But last Sunday there she was with a HUGE sack of baby clothes. Seriously, there are hundreds of dollars worth of clothes in that bag. And she just gave it to me. She said she was glad to give it to someone, rather than just to a charity.
The amazing thing is that this happened just as I was wondering what I was going to dress Jonathan in once he finished outgrowing all his clothes. Which he is doing right now. Silly us, we forgot to budget for baby clothes...but they must be bought!
It is amazing to me how God blesses us in such immediate response to our worries and needs. It is hard for me to trust him for our daily bread...but he provides so abundantly when I do.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Karate
Well, I did it. I started going to karate again. This is a bigger deal than perhaps it sounds, for a variety of reasons. One is that I haven’t done it for 12 months. That’s a long time. And it’s incredibly difficult to return as a brown belt, with brown belt expectations (at least my own, if not other people!) without having even thought about it for a year. It’s astonishing how difficult it is to get back into something at that level, even just from a physical angle…and the mental/emotional one isn’t any easier. On the other hand, it is also astonishing how much I remember, and how quickly it comes back.
It’s going to be hard, I think, to try to pace my return. I want to look like a brown belt again NOW, thank you very much. But surgery is a big deal, and so I really do need to say, “no, I can’t do those types of kicks now. Maybe in a few months.” This is hard. Maybe these next months of karate are supposed to be more about the internal aspect (keeping still and calm inside even when outside events are frustrating) than anything else. That's very likely.
I’ve been to two classes now. Thursday’s was the first, and I came away from it remembering all the reasons that I didn’t ever want to go back to karate, ever again. I almost didn’t. Tuesday’s was the second, and that one reminded me what I love about martial arts, and thinking that I care enough about the fullness of the discipline to put up with the not-so-great parts.
Thanks to Jenny and Stephanie who helped me remember why I do this.
It’s going to be hard, I think, to try to pace my return. I want to look like a brown belt again NOW, thank you very much. But surgery is a big deal, and so I really do need to say, “no, I can’t do those types of kicks now. Maybe in a few months.” This is hard. Maybe these next months of karate are supposed to be more about the internal aspect (keeping still and calm inside even when outside events are frustrating) than anything else. That's very likely.
I’ve been to two classes now. Thursday’s was the first, and I came away from it remembering all the reasons that I didn’t ever want to go back to karate, ever again. I almost didn’t. Tuesday’s was the second, and that one reminded me what I love about martial arts, and thinking that I care enough about the fullness of the discipline to put up with the not-so-great parts.
Thanks to Jenny and Stephanie who helped me remember why I do this.
Who needs Curves?
when you have your own personal 24 hour fitness right here at home?
Just strap on a 15 pound baby and vacuum the house.
I think I deserve some chocolate cake now. ;)
Just strap on a 15 pound baby and vacuum the house.
I think I deserve some chocolate cake now. ;)
Sunday, July 10, 2005
It's a TOY!
And Jonathan is figuring out that he can play with it. :) We've hung a little stuffed giraffe rattle on his car seat, and today he started using his hands to bat at it (wow, it makes noise!) and pull it to him to chew on it (it tastes good too!) :) He entertained himself for quite a few minutes with this, while Gabe and I watched surreptitiously and enjoyed his new accomplishment.
It is amazing to watch his brain process things. He's learning cause and effect! And he seems to be enjoying it too. Yesterday he held an animated and quite happy conversation with the same giraffe.
It's just a stuffed giraffe, and it's just one tiny little action. But it's a huge step in Jonathan's learning and development, and I rejoice that I get to be here to see it happen!
It is amazing to watch his brain process things. He's learning cause and effect! And he seems to be enjoying it too. Yesterday he held an animated and quite happy conversation with the same giraffe.
It's just a stuffed giraffe, and it's just one tiny little action. But it's a huge step in Jonathan's learning and development, and I rejoice that I get to be here to see it happen!
Friday, July 08, 2005
Connections
Jonathan has connected "Mommy" and "milk". When Gabe is holding him, and he's hungry, he'll cry until he catches sight of me - at which point he stops for a moment. Of course, if I'm not quick enough about actually feeding him, he'll start again...but he definitely understands the connection. I think that's pretty cool.
Gabe also thinks that Jonathan has some connections between being in the kitchen and expecting to see me. I do spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen with him. The other night I was late getting home, and Jonathan was hungry and upset, and Gabe said that when he went into the kitchen Jonathan would quiet down (just for a second!) and look around like he expected me to be there.
Gabe also thinks that Jonathan has some connections between being in the kitchen and expecting to see me. I do spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen with him. The other night I was late getting home, and Jonathan was hungry and upset, and Gabe said that when he went into the kitchen Jonathan would quiet down (just for a second!) and look around like he expected me to be there.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Loving God
What does it mean to love God? Love is such a difficult term…hard to quantify, hard to define. I love my parents, my sister and brothers; I love Gabe, and I love Jonathan; I love my closest friends. Each relationship is different, and the love that I feel and the actions that follow are different as well. So when this abstract term is applied to God, I have a hard time knowing what is required of me.
I’ve often been told that loving God means being obedient to him. This is a fairly straightforward answer, but leaves me feeling that I’m missing something. After all, my love for Jonathan has nothing at all to do with being obedient to him. Love for Gabe could include obedience under some circumstances, but not often. And even my love for my parents no longer includes this component. Love for those closest to me (Jonathan and Gabe) plays out in my life primarily in two ways: as a (very strong) feeling, and as the action of giving to them. This includes giving up for them.
I can give things up for God, and often I find that obedience to him requires exactly that. So in that sense I can see the parallel between love for God and love for others in my life. But I can’t give to him, at least not in the same way that I give to Gabe or Jonathan. (Side note: I give scads of time to Gabe and to Jonathan. Is this a way in which I should be loving God, and am not?) And so I am left with love as a feeling…and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel love towards God. Every time I try to work this out, I come up with a complete blank. Love God. Love God. Love God. What does that feel like?
I don’t get very far with that attempt at understanding what loving God really is. So is it just obedience that is required? Gabe says that his concept of loving God is much tied up with the concept of duty…of doing that which is required of him. Since he also sees his relationship with me and with Jonathan in terms of duty, this makes sense. But I’ve never fully understood the idea of duty in a love relationship. And so that really hasn’t helped me much.
In some ways, having “loving God” mean “obeying God” only would be an easy answer. Not that it is easy to obey God 100% of the time, but that at least then I’d have a clear-cut answer of what I’m supposed to be striving for. As is I’m left with an uneasy feeling that I ought to be obeying and feeling…something. And I don’t know what that something is.
Comments are welcomed. :)
I’ve often been told that loving God means being obedient to him. This is a fairly straightforward answer, but leaves me feeling that I’m missing something. After all, my love for Jonathan has nothing at all to do with being obedient to him. Love for Gabe could include obedience under some circumstances, but not often. And even my love for my parents no longer includes this component. Love for those closest to me (Jonathan and Gabe) plays out in my life primarily in two ways: as a (very strong) feeling, and as the action of giving to them. This includes giving up for them.
I can give things up for God, and often I find that obedience to him requires exactly that. So in that sense I can see the parallel between love for God and love for others in my life. But I can’t give to him, at least not in the same way that I give to Gabe or Jonathan. (Side note: I give scads of time to Gabe and to Jonathan. Is this a way in which I should be loving God, and am not?) And so I am left with love as a feeling…and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel love towards God. Every time I try to work this out, I come up with a complete blank. Love God. Love God. Love God. What does that feel like?
I don’t get very far with that attempt at understanding what loving God really is. So is it just obedience that is required? Gabe says that his concept of loving God is much tied up with the concept of duty…of doing that which is required of him. Since he also sees his relationship with me and with Jonathan in terms of duty, this makes sense. But I’ve never fully understood the idea of duty in a love relationship. And so that really hasn’t helped me much.
In some ways, having “loving God” mean “obeying God” only would be an easy answer. Not that it is easy to obey God 100% of the time, but that at least then I’d have a clear-cut answer of what I’m supposed to be striving for. As is I’m left with an uneasy feeling that I ought to be obeying and feeling…something. And I don’t know what that something is.
Comments are welcomed. :)
Teeth, smiles, and consonants
No more news on the possible tooth. It seems to just be moving around at the moment, which is too bad, because when it moves it hurts him! I wish it would just break through and be done with it.
On the other hand, I'm happyI still have his lovely toothless grin to gladden my heart. I wish I could capture it in a photo...it's this incredible outburst of pleased joy that just makes me want to scoop him up and laugh and cry all at once. I can't get it in a photo, because as soon as the camera appears, he stops smiling and looks confused. Cameras are strange beasts, evidently.
So I try to engrave that smile in my memory now, and hope it stays there. Sometimes it seems that he's growing up so fast I'll never be able to truly relish each stage as he's there...because he's through it so fast! And then I remind myself that at least I'm here to notice.
He has a new consonant sound, as of this morning. Now he can say "guh" AND "buh". I have a funny feeling that he may say "Gabe" before he says "dada". :)
On the other hand, I'm happyI still have his lovely toothless grin to gladden my heart. I wish I could capture it in a photo...it's this incredible outburst of pleased joy that just makes me want to scoop him up and laugh and cry all at once. I can't get it in a photo, because as soon as the camera appears, he stops smiling and looks confused. Cameras are strange beasts, evidently.
So I try to engrave that smile in my memory now, and hope it stays there. Sometimes it seems that he's growing up so fast I'll never be able to truly relish each stage as he's there...because he's through it so fast! And then I remind myself that at least I'm here to notice.
He has a new consonant sound, as of this morning. Now he can say "guh" AND "buh". I have a funny feeling that he may say "Gabe" before he says "dada". :)
Stay-at-home MOMMY
I woke up this morning with a million things whirling through my head. I needed to clean the kitchen, pick up the house, clean the bathroom, take care of half a dozen phone calls, appointments to make, etc. Pay the bills, balance the checkbook (three months worth), take another look at the budget that won't balance.
Jonathan started making waking up sounds, and my first thought was "no, no, stay asleep, I have too much to do and I can't do it with you awake." And then I caught myself. I'm a stay-at-home-MOM. Not a stay-at-home-wonder-woman-who-keeps-a-perfect-house.
So Jonathan woke up to a smiling mommy who took him on a walk, sang nursery rhymes, read poems, and thoroughly enjoyed him. Lord Jesus, help me to be that kind of mommy. After all, that's why I stay home.
Jonathan started making waking up sounds, and my first thought was "no, no, stay asleep, I have too much to do and I can't do it with you awake." And then I caught myself. I'm a stay-at-home-MOM. Not a stay-at-home-wonder-woman-who-keeps-a-perfect-house.
So Jonathan woke up to a smiling mommy who took him on a walk, sang nursery rhymes, read poems, and thoroughly enjoyed him. Lord Jesus, help me to be that kind of mommy. After all, that's why I stay home.
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