Disclaimer: this is not a happy happy joy joy post. If you prefer to keep the illusion that mommies love every minute of their every day, please stop reading.
That said, I’ve been having a rough few days lately. To be fair, yesterday was good, but most of my week was tough. And the thing is that I really didn’t have any particular reason for them to have been bad days. Jonathan was fussy in the afternoons – but he’s always fussy in the afternoons. I didn’t get as much accomplished as I wanted to – but there’s nothing new about that. But for some reason I’d come to the end of my day and just be so sick of everything. I didn’t want to sing one more song, I didn’t want to make the rest of dinner, I certainly didn’t want to wash the dishes, and I didn’t want to carry Jonathan around for one single minute longer.
To make matters worse, the fact that I felt like that also made me feel very, very guilty.
I work so hard to be a good mom (good wife/good person)…to balance housework with playing with Jonathan, to stay involved with my friends but invest enough time in Gabe, to remember to talk to God throughout the day, to create a happy, restful home for our family. But I feel like I just run out of energy to do it. How can I be a good wife when I’m so exhausted at the end of the day that all I want to do is pass off my child to another set of arms and go read a novel? How can I be a good mom when all I want to do is cry because Jonathan is crying and I can’t make him stop? How can I be a good friend when my entire life revolves around this tiny little person and my days are consumed with details that said friends cannot understand?
All my best convictions, resolutions, and attempts at being the kind of person and mom and wife that I want to be, seem to be biting the dust.
End unhappy post.
Today was a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day too. :)