I've been grumpy and overwhelmed and tired and irritable and GRUMPY lately. I keep thinking "if I could just have a couple of days off..." Of course, I'm grumpy enough at the moment to follow that up with the thought: "but then I'd have to come back and nothing will have changed..."
Like I said, grumpy.
I think that some of it is frustration and sadness over the state of our church, and worry worry worry about what we (my husband and I) will do about it.
Some of it is the fact that Josiah is teething, I think (?) and nurses better at night than during the day. Which means I'm frustrated during the day trying to get a screaming angry baby to nurse even though he doesn't seem to want to, and frustrated at night trying to get some sleep with a child who'd like to nurse three times in four hours.
And I'm just a smidge afraid that I'm pregnant. Not that there is any good reason why I should be, just that I've never NOT been pregnant for this long between children before, and I have just enough possible symptoms (that could also simply be due to the not sleeping happening around here) to wreak havoc with my head.
Also, the book that I'm trying to read? That stupid author keeps killing my favorite characters. How much worse can it get? ;)
Underneath all of that is the fact of my three children, who I love so very much and who I often wish would just. be. quiet. Even quiet time and bedtime aren't particularly quiet right now because we're allowing the boys to get up to use the potty (Thomas is just starting training, mostly on his own initiative) which means that I have to get up and help them, and it is a ten minute production every time.
Two days ago the chaos of screaming baby, crying toddler, and angry preschooler reduced me to tears in the middle of floor. Which didn't help, of course.
Today I'm just kind of sick of it all. Even things I usually like to do seem dull and gray and unappealing.
I know, somewhere in my head, that this IS all in my head. And that it will get better. But I'm having a very hard time believing it with the rest of me - which is the part that has to keep changing diapers and coloring pictures and doing laundry and reading stories. So I think I need some encouragement and some ideas to pull myself our of this slough of despond. Comments, please?