36 weeks

I'm officially in the home stretch - the final month (ok, maybe the final 5 weeks). But I can see the end more clearly now, and I'm finding myself doing a lot more thinking about the upcoming birth, as opposed to current aches and pains. Although trust me, there are plenty of those, too. :)

Some days I'm supremely confident. Some days I cry myself to sleep because I'm so scared. As my midwife pointed out, both make sense. I can be reasonably terrified of labor because I know what to expect. Whoever said that you forget what pain feels like apparently hadn't ever given birth. I remember just fine. But I can also be reasonably confident because I have already delivered a baby and I know that I can.

This baby is in a perfect position - head down, tiny butt centered above my belly button, anterior, and as of two days ago, dropped quite low into my pelvis. Somehow the very centered-ness of the baby is helping me feel more centered myself. I'm finding it easier to imagine him more-or-less gently emerging into the world.

September is crammed full of busyness. A wedding, a trip to Oak Glenn, Thomas' surgery, a meeting in Los Angeles, something else I can't remember right now, and all the usual daily things that need to get done. At some point it might be a good idea to get out some baby clothes, too. :) I looked at my calendar recently and thought "I did not plan this well!" because we are so busy that no matter when Josiah decides to show up, it will probably disrupt something! Still, in some ways I'd rather be busy and let things be disrupted, rather than clearing my schedule and waiting for a baby who refuses to show up. :)

As always, I'm having tons of contractions that really don't bear a lot of resemblence to the "painless tightening" described in the books as Braxton Hicks. When they're spaced far apart I remember that I'll likely have an October baby. Today they're about ever 15 minutes and I start thinking "well...?"

We'll see. I certainly wouldn't object to an early baby, although THIS early might not be so good. I'd rather get through Thomas' surgery first!

This is a rather rambling post, but that is the state of my brain right now so I'm afraid it is what you get!

Interesting

A kinder, gentler c-section? I wonder under what circumstances this would be used. Scheduled surgeries? But usually women aren't in labor (and thus having contractions) if the surgery is scheduled. Emergency sections? Aren't those supposed to be, you know, emergencies? I'd like to read more about this, so if anyone else has more info, please comment and let me know.

Hat tip to pushedbirth for the link.

Kind of creepy

He's just a man, people!




Hat tip to StandFirm.

Overheard

"Thomas, hear the siren? Should we pray for the people who are hurt?

Dear Jesus, help whoever is hurt; speed the paramedics on their way, amen."

Just like the Olympians

A few days ago we were watching some Olympic diving. Jonathan climbed up on the coffee table, jumped off, and proudly informed me that he was diving into the pool "just like the Olympics!" Then he paused a moment and added, "But I don't land on my head."

Suggestions needed!

I am trying to find a water bottle for Jonathan. He's getting too old for sippy cups, but obviously regular cups don't work well in the car! I'm looking for something that is:

1) BPA free
2) Smaller than usual (maybe about 12-16 oz)
3) Does not have a "sippy" lid (Nalgene's Grip n Gulp is not what I want)
4) Will not leak
5) Dishwasher safe
6) Pretty much indestructible :)

Any ideas for me?

Maybe, just maybe, I'm growing up?

Yesterday could have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It certainly started out that way. I was tired when I woke up. I had far more errands that needed to be done than hours to do them in between nap times. And somehow I was supposed to go to church, too!

Thomas woke up late from his morning nap, leaving us just barely enough time to get to mass. A tantruming child made us very late, and realizing that we had no gas left in the car made us late beyond repair. By the time we got to the freeway, the service was almost over.

So instead we went to the mall to start our errands. Shopping for nursing bras with fussy children in tow is NOT a good idea when you're already on edge. I ended up yelling at Thomas and giving him a spanking that, in retrospect, he didn't deserve. Not my finest parenting moment. In fact it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad moment.

That was when God intervened. I had been reading Brother Lawrence's Practicing the Presence of God in the mornings, and in the midst of everything, I remembered. I'm supposed to talk to God, and when I sin, simply tell him so and that I can't do any better without him.

Oh. Right.

I prayed while I gave the kids a snack, vowed (to myself) that there would be no more yelling, and then discovered a nursing bra that fit. Not only that, there were three available, on sale for buy 2 get a third free. And I had three coupons, all of which the saleslady applied to my order. So instead of hours of frustration and spending a small fortune (which I'd been stressed about), I walked out in about 40 minutes with everything I needed for only $22. (This also meant that I didn't even have to walk in to the other two stores I'd been planning on!)

I'm pretty sure God was intervening there, too.

And then instead of racing off to our next errand, I took the kids over to a fountain and we had our picnic lunch there, and then we went to See's Candy for a treat, and then to the other fountain, and then we went home.

As we got into the car I gave Thomas a hug and apologized for losing my temper with him. I doubt he understood (or even remembered), but it was important just the same. And Jonathan and I had a good talk about asking forgiveness on the way home.

Most of the errands that I had planned to do didn't get done. The one that did, only did so with a hefty dose of God's help. But instead of having a stressed out, angry, awful day, we ended up making some memories and learning about forgiveness.

I think that maybe, just maybe, God is growing me up a little bit.

Like children

This morning I woke up to Jonathan, singing at the top of his lungs, "God made us, and we are HIS, God made us, and we are HIS!!!" Just a moment ago he ran in from playing outside to ask "Mom, Mom, did you hear me singing the B-I-L-I-E?" (He means B-I-B-L-E, but I haven't been able to convince him of this fact yet.) :) Indeed, I had been listening to him, practically shouting from the rooftops that he stands on the word of God!

Sometimes the simplest things can be the most profound. Sometimes the best reminders come from three year olds.

"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18:3

Ordinary moments

It is easy to think that the ordinary moments that make up our day to day life don't matter very much. Jenn reminds us that while it might just be an ordinary moment to us, we should consider our words and actions with care because someone else may remember it forever.

Many of you may not read Jenn's blog. You should change that. She posts infrequently, but it is worth RSS-ing for when she does post. She writes thoughtful, reflective, make-you-examine-your-life posts that are always worth your time.

Obama, abortion champion

Regardless of what I think of Barack Obama's other policies, his stance on abortion truly makes me ill. Consider his proclamation (made in July 2007) that as president, "the first thing" he will do is sign the Freedom of Choice Act, which would remove all federal and state restrictions on abortion. All of them. Consider his argument that babies born alive after an abortion procedure should be left to die. Never mind that they are living, breathing, humans that could be saved given medical assistance. It is hard for me to believe that anyone in his right mind could think this; Obama apparently starts from abortion and end up at infanticide.

Most people, whatever their view on abortion, agree that the Constitution at least guarantees the rights of born and living human beings. Barack Obama does not agree. For him, the Constitution exists primarily in order to guarantee the right to abortion, and other rights of human persons — born and alive — are secondary. Beginning with abortion rights as his premise, he draws as his conclusion the unfortunate but necessary legality of infanticide.

Read the rest of David Freddoso's excellent article, and then consider carefully whether a man's positions on healthcare, wars, or the economy can make up for his intent to destroy the helpless in the name of "choice".

Children's literature

Some of you may have read my husband's blog. At least, you might have read it until he stopped posting on it months and months ago. :) But be not dismayed, because there is a new post up, and it is a good one - a list of favorite children's literature. If you have small children or are thinking about having small children in the future, it is worth checking out. My husband has very good taste. :)

I love NBC!

Has anyone else been watching olympic coverage on nbc's website? I am loving it. Instead of having a tv on constantly, trying to catch the bits that you care about, you can just search for what you want to see. And there it is, with only minor commercial time, and you can pause it. No missing the perfect floor routine because your child has a meltdown. No spending eight hours a day ignoring your children! I think they must have designed this for mothers. :)

Why I don't like "making friends" at the park

I took the boys to the water park in Whittier today - a spur of the moment trip that just sounded fun. It didn't turn out to be as much fun as I had hoped. You see, there were a few other families there, and unfortunately, they didn't have anything like the same standards for their kids as I do for mine.

Initially I was happy to meet the mother camped out on the bench next to me. She is also pregnant (with her fourth) and due just a few weeks after me. She also mentioned, while introducing her children, that they all were named after saints. "Great!" I thought, "they're probably a nice Catholic family!"

Well, (nominally) Catholic they may be, but they certainly weren't nice.

The mother was friendly, but her language! And I hadn't brought a book or a magazine, so I couldn't be "occupied" and discourage her chatter. A bigger problem, though, was the way her children treated mine. Jonathan came running back to me in tears every few minutes because one of her children had thrown something at him, or kicked water in his face, or told him that he couldn't play. Three year olds just don't understand this kind of thing - he was so incredibly sad about it and there wasn't a good way for me to explain it to him. The frustrating thing was that the other mom sat and watched this all happen, and all she ever did was scream "stop it!" at her kids, along with various swear words. As I'm sure you can imagine, they paid no attention whatsoever.

We ended up leaving early, which also made Jonathan sad.

I came home sad about the whole encounter, and very grateful for the good friends we do have. I am so glad I'm not trying to navigate a generic community mom's group. There is much to be said for shared values in choosing your and your childrens' friends.

On primates and holy orders

Conversation between Gabe and Jonathan:

Gabe: "We're going to a monastery."
Jonathan: "Who's going to be there?"
Gabe: "Monks."
Jonathan: (incredulous pause, then with great excitement) "MONKEYS?!?!?"

Maternity fashions

While I'll admit that there are some very cute maternity clothes out there, doesn't it seem like they're mostly designed for pregnant 17 year olds?

Well, Veronica agrees with me, anyway. :) And her post on the topic is, as usual, beautifully written (not to mention hilarious)!

Letter to ACOG regarding VBAC

Birth is very much on my mind these days, as I'm probably less than two months away from delivering. I'm reading a lot, thinking a lot, and praying a lot. So please don't be surprised if I start posting more on the subject. :)

Today I want to bring your attention to the best letter writing attempt at policy change that I have ever seen. A woman named Amber wrote to the president of ACOG, politely, respectfully, and with incredible study documentation as back-up, requesting that ACOG change their highly restrictive policy on VBACs. Her original letter (complete with citations), ACOG's response (short, unhelpful, and full of misinformation) and her response letter (again, with citations) is posted here and should be read in its entirety. This woman is smart and I hope that more women will follow her example in pressuring the medical leadership in this country to actually use facts in their policy making.

Even if you've never had a c-section, or never yet given birth, this is still valuable information. You don't know (well, I certainly didn't!) when you might find yourself needing to know more than the doctor is telling you.

When you do read it, (and you're about to, right? Right?) start at the bottom of the page and work your way up. I'm not sure why they posted the letters in the order they did, as it is rather confusing, but just realize that the first letter is at the bottom of the page and the last is at the top.

Hat tip to pushedbirth for the link!

Housework

Does anyone else feel like housework, with children underfoot, is a battle that is utterly unable to be won?

I do.

Today I was determined to vacuum the living room. You wouldn't think that this would be such a difficult task, but apparently it is. I think I picked up the floor three or four times today, in an effort to get it cleared and ready to vacuum. Somehow, by the time I got from one end to the other, the front end was a mess again, even when I was trying to involve the kids in the process! Something would come up that needed attention. Or the children who were happily playing outside had to be brought in because the painters arrived. Or it was lunch time. Or a child flipped out and needed discipline. You get the picture. The end result was a mommy in tears, placing both children none-too-gently on couches with books and a few toys, and informing them that they were NOT. TO. MOVE. before the vacuuming was finished. Which tactic actually worked, but made me feel like Tyrant Mom.

Today just hasn't gone very well. The kids have been cranky because, frankly, I haven't been paying as much attention to them as I usually do. I've been trying to do some basic housework that hasn't been done for far too long. Things like vacuuming. And wiping down the bathroom. And sweeping the floors. Things that I used to do on a regular basis without too much trouble. Things that ought to get done in order to maintain a basically sanitary living environment! So what IS it that is going wrong?

Objectively, life is very different now from the last time I really felt like I had housework and children balanced and under control. The last time I thought that was, well, right about a week before I got pregnant with Josiah. (This does seem to be a pattern with me, doesn't it? Get life under control and decide that it would be a great time to add pregnancy into the mix!) Now my children are older, and they need nearly constant "policing" so that they don't try to kill each other (how they can go from happily playing together to whacking each other on the head in .002 seconds is beyond me!) Jonathan is at that happy stage of needing me to tell him what to do (and then do it with him) all. day. long. And my poor pregnant body is, quite frankly, so tired that vacuuming the living room gives me contractions for the next twenty minutes and makes me want to lie down for the next twenty hours.

Come to think of it, maybe it makes sense that I'd be having trouble with housework and raising kids right now!

I just wish I could figure out an answer, a way to make it all come out right at the end of the day, every day. As it is, some days are pretty good (like yesterday, when we went to the water park and I thoroughly enjoyed myself and my kids) but those are also the days when the house gets ignored. More often than not I do just ignore the house, but it doesn't take much of that to make it an unhappy place to live (at least for me).

There just has to be a better way to do this, right?

Now would be a good time for all you lurking readers to come out of the woodwork and say something encouraging.

Tongue tied (UPDATED)

Yesterday was Thomas' appointment with Dr. Jahng (an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist/surgeon) to determine if his speech delay is being caused by a short frenulum. The verdict from the doctor: yes.

I liked the doctor. When I called for an appointment they scheduled it for the next day. We arrived on time and were seen less than five minutes later. The doctor was kind, gentle, competent, and readily answered all my questions. Although the referral from Thomas' pediatrician stated that they had ruled out hearing issues, Dr. Jahng checked his ears anyway before even looking at his tongue. I appreciated the thoroughness.

So the diagnosis is speech impairment due to Ankyloglossia. Dr. Jahng treats this by doing surgery under light general anesthesia. This worries me a bit - general anesthesia in a 17 month old just sounds scary - but he says that it is safe. He does not treat this condition by "clipping" the frenulum in office, because he says that doing it that way risks worse problems due to improper healing (fusion of the two parts, etc.) Surgery allows him to take his time, do it right, and suture both sides to minimize risks of future problems. This makes sense to me.

Part of me wants to say "we love our pediatrician, who referred us to Dr. Jahng, who seems entirely competent, so let's go ahead and act on his recommendation." This is especially true since tongue-tie runs in the family (Gabe is tongue tied, spoke very late, and feels that it affects his speech even now) and Gabe feels that it would be best to free Thomas from that difficulty. I'm also leaning this way because it seems rather awful to just leave a bright child frustrated and unable to communicate well because of a condition that is very fixable.

Still, this surgery is pretty controversial, at least in the world of the internet. Look it up and you'll find LOTS of people against it, including doctors who think that you should "wait and see", as the child may outgrown the condition by age six. Age six? What about talking? I don't think I can cope with a preschooler who communicates via signing and "nanana AHHHHHH!" Then there are the doctors who say that it has absolutely nothing to do with speech impairment, and that two year olds who are tongue-tied and don't talk are just going at their own pace. I'm not sure I buy that idea, especially given Gabe's history.

Sigh. Surgery is scary, and I can definitely understand not wanting to subject your child to it if it isn't necessary. It's just that tricky question of "necessary".

The referral paperwork is in process right now. Gabe and I will probably discuss it some more, but at this point I'm guessing we'll go ahead and do it.


Updated to add these links because I found them the most helpful:

Bandolier: Evidenced based thinking on healthcare: Ankyloglossia

Tongue-Tie: from confusion to clarity

Modeling

Toddlers and preschoolers don't miss a thing. Gabe and I realized this quite awhile ago, and have been actively working to be sure that we are modeling the types of things we want Jonathan and Thomas to do. Sometimes this works really well; when we hear sirens Jonathan always asks to pray for the people who are hurt, and nearly every evening he wants to pray for the homeless people (we keep gift cards on hand to give out when we encounter them). Sometimes it backfires on us; last night Gabe was singing to himself from Dr. Horrible's Sing-along-blog until he realized that Jonathan was singing at the top of his lungs: "the birds are singing, cause you're gonna die!" Um, yeah, not quite what we were going for, there.

An example that made me happy today occured while baking an apple pie with Jonathan. He loves to help cook and bake in the kitchen, and he's starting to become slightly less hindrance and more help. :) Today I started teaching him the difference between tablespoons and teaspoons, and variations thereof. He thought that was lots of fun. Anyway, what made me happy was that right after we put the pie into the oven:



he asked for a sink full of soapy water "to wash the dishes". And then he proceded to do just that!



It's a little thing, but it is just one more example of how how carefully he copies what we do. And this particular "little thing" makes me glad that I generally wash the dishes right away!

Good modeling is hard work, and sometimes I despair of ever succeeding. (I suspect Gabe does, too, which may be why he tends to pray for grace to cover over our failures as parents!) Still, it is good hard work, and it is fun when it works, even in the little things.

Lambeth

It is easy to get bogged down in all the drama of the current Lambeth conference. Just trying to keep up with StandFirm's coverage makes me tired and rather cranky (possibly having to do with the fact that it is utterly impossible to do - too much news!) Besides, it is sad to see the turmoil of my church broadcast wholesale across the global news media.

So as you read this, please remember that I do take these things seriously. But sometimes, you just have to have a good long laugh.

"Lambeth indaba" is an anagram of "damnable habit."

See? Don't you feel better now? :)

Hat tip: StandFirm, where else?