Bearing three children has had a significant effect on my physique. I’m not one of those women who loses all their “baby weight” just by nursing, and is back into their size six pre-pregnancy jeans eight weeks after giving birth. Every pound I lose is a fight, and it is a war that I have to wage for a long time before winning. Sometimes I just don’t win.
I’m 35 lbs heavier than I was at my most fit (just before getting pregnant for the first time). 30 lbs heavier than a more typical “normal” at that time. 20 lbs heavier than the weight I’ve resigned myself to as the “new normal” after three pregnancies.
Two weeks ago I decided to get serious about losing those twenty. I broke out the triple stroller and set up a schedule for walks and jogs. For a week it felt great. And then everything started to hurt. First it was my ankle – the one that I’ve sprained a few too many times and always gets sore during pregnancy. Then it was my knee – not the one with the osteochondroma in it (I know how to deal with that problem) – but the other one, the one that doesn’t have a reason to hurt. Then my shoulder started acting up, aching, a remnant of over-use in karate. Now it is my wrists, one of which is well on its way to carpal tunnel again.
Some of this is just part of having an infant (for me, at least) – I had some similar aches and pains when Thomas was small – but I’m pretty certain that they all flared at the same time because of trying to push that monster stroller on long walks. And so I’m left with the futile frustration of a body that is breaking down and thwarting my efforts.
Six years ago, in the throes of anorexia, size sixteen jeans would have seemed cause for suicide. Now, thanks be to God, they’re mostly an annoyance (I’ve only got one pair!) and an occasional cause for tears on bad days – most of the time I can look at my body and see the glorious functionality of a body that has born and nursed three children. Still, I’d like to lose those twenty pounds. And I wish that the functionality of a body that can and has nourished children also extended to one that could push a triple stroller with all those children inside.