Grrr...

I was in the middle of a long post about our trip, and it was almost finished, and then it got lost. The electrical outlets in our kitchen quit working for some reason, and in the process of trying to fix that Gabe accidently turned off the power to our computer...so bye bye post. :(

It was a good one, too!

Oh well. I'm not going to write it all out again. But we did have a wonderful trip. Sharon and Jim are married and Sharon looked radiant and Jim looked like the cat that swallowed the cream. :)

It was lots of fun visiting my family. Grandparents, great-grandparents and uncles all enjoyed seeing Jonathan (the last time anyone saw him he wasn't walking yet, so this was a big change!) Jonathan loved exploring - playing on the grass in the sprinkler, watering the plants on the patio, playing peek-a-boo behind doors in the myriad of rooms (compared to our little house, anyway!)

Gabe and Christopher and I played a couple of rounds of Settlers, which was lots of fun, and we ate really good food (my mom is a great cook!) and generally enjoyed ourselves.

And now for a few pictures:

Any ideas?

Jonathan has been waking up mid-nap, about 30 minutes in. Yesterday this happened twice in one nap, and today it has happened during both naps. He goes right back to sleep if I go in, lay him back down, and lie down with him for 2 or 3 minutes. It is a little strange. I don't mind helping him back to sleep, but it seems like he's not sleeping well if he's waking up in the middle...ideas?

I guess we're not nursing anymore.

Jonathan has been going to sleep in his crib so well lately! Even on our trip up to Fresno and to my parents' house, naps and night time just weren't an issue. We would simply get Jonathan ready for bed, lay him in his crib, and lie beside him for a few minutes while he went to sleep. It works every time and it works fast. I love it. :)

So last night we tried an experiement. Instead of nursing to sleep, we went through the rest of Jonathan's "get ready for bed" process, and then just put him down in his crib like it was naptime and lay down beside him. For some reason, something struck him as really funny about this. I have no idea what he was laughing about, but he giggled off and on for about 20 minutes without really getting closer to going to sleep. It was pretty cute, though. :) Anyway, I decided that this wasn't getting us anywhere, so I kissed his hand through the mesh, said "night night, I love you" and left. He was asleep a few minutes later, with nary a fuss.

So I guess we're not nursing anymore. He's been nursing so little lately, and hasn't really been all that interested, so I think it is probably an appropriate time. It sure feels weird, though! I mean, I've been nursing a child for the last 15 months, and now we're done, just like that! I guess it isn't really "just like that", since we've been cutting down for months...but the final switch from nursing a little to not nursing at all still feels really strange.

Even stranger is that in another 26 weeks I'll be nursing another little person. I can't quite wrap my mind around that yet.

We're packed and ready to go!

In case you can't tell, Jonathan is in the suitcase. :) We were getting ready to pack it and he climbed right in!

We're driving up to Fresno for the wedding of two dear friends of ours: Sharon and James. Hurray! Then, since Fresno is half-way to my parent's home, we'll continue on and spend a few days visiting them. It will be interesting to see how Jonathan handles traveling. The last time we went on a trip he was only four months old (and he slept all day and cried all night...but we're not thinking about that, ok?) :) I have high hopes that this trip will be much better. Besides, it will be fun to show him off to his grandparents and great grandparents. My mom hasn't even seen him walk yet!

Fresh tomatos

I was picking tomatos yesterday to give to friends (we have WAY too many tomatos, and since we're leaving for a few days, I didn't want them to go to waste.) There was a pretty good pile beside me, but after awhile I realized it was getting smaller. I turned around to find that Jonathan had strewn the tomatos all over the yard, and had also decided to take a bite out of one! At least he likes eating vegetables!

I tried something new

and it worked!

This morning when I put Jonathan down for his nap, he fell asleep in my arms like normal, and also like usual he woke up and screamed as soon as I put him down. Only this time, instead of just figuring he'd have to cry himself back to sleep, I went right back in (about two seconds later, if that!) and told him "no, Jonathan, it is time to go to sleep" and lay him back down. He tried to pop back up a few times, and each time I just lay him back down with a firm "no, it is time to go to sleep." Then I got a pillow and lay down on the floor next to him. He cried a bit (very half-heartedly though!) and popped his head up three or four times just to make sure I was still there, but then he went to sleep!!! And after awhile I got up and left, and he stayed asleep. :)

I'd been wondering how in the world he always seemed to know the instant I walked away - now I think maybe he just wasn't really asleep yet, and was still in the "check to be sure she's still there and everything is ok" mode. It is really uncomfortable to hang over the side of a pack-n-play, so I think I was just leaving too soon. But lying on the floor next to him is quite comfortable, and I don't mind doing that for five or ten minutes!

So. Yay for new ideas, particularly new ideas that work! :)

Isn't parenting the most glorious and frustrating experience of trial and error?

More fun things we're doing

I've been working hard, lately, at creating fun things for Jonathan to do. The fact is that he's just not interested in toys. They don't move and he can't climb on top of them. Therefore they are not interesting! This means that keeping him entertained requires some serious creativity on my part (and also some times when he just has to deal with the fact that "Mommy is doing the dishes right now. You can go play and when I'm done I'll come play with you.")

Anyway, this morning we went for a walk together (his idea! He grabs my finger and heads to the door - it is very cute) and later we played on a "mountain" of couch pillows. He crawled up to the top, then I'd grab his legs and he would "slide down!" I think he was actually trying to say "slide down" by the end, which was pretty cool.

This isn't quite what I expected when I planted Shasta Daisies

Vocabulary

"Down" means "up", "down", "in", "out", and "anywhere other than where I am right now!"

"No" means "no" and "something is not right with my world and you need to guess what it is right now!"

Two words with such a variety of meanings, and used constantly, make for a frustrated child and tricky parenting! Vocab, kiddo, vocab! :)

Neat park!

There is a new set of play equipment in La Mirada Park. It was specifically designed for kids ages 2-5, and it has built in shading "umbrellas" overhead. Even at high noon, most of the equipment is in at least partial shade. I have to be a bit cautious about letting Jonathan play on it, because there are openings for ladders and such where he could conceivably just walk off into empty space, but so far he's being pretty good about it and I'm learning to let him be a boy. It is just so much fun to stick your foot over into thin air! We're working on "holding on tight!" while doing so. :)

Anyway, if you're near the La Mirada area and you have kids, I highly recommend it. Jonathan and I will probably be there most weekdays, so look for us! :)

Other fun things we've been doing

Dusting:

Playing in caves

Reading with Daddy:

And, um, drinking... (in my own defense, I believe I was asleep at the time!) :)

Yesterday

Yesterday was actually a really good day, complete with bubbles, building blocks, and crayons.

I'm realizing that Jonathan is growing up. And I'm working hard to keep ahead of his new skills. :)

In the morning when we went out to do errands, I put Jonathan's shoes on and explained that since he was such a big boy with big boy shoes, he could walk out to the car with me. And he did! He walked all the way out, and didn't even complain about holding my hand in the parking lot!

We got bubbles at Walmart while we were out. Bubbles are wonderful things. Jonathan delighted in them and I discovered that he could say "bub-bl, pop!" It was very fun until it was time to stop!



Later in the afternoon I sat him down at the table (assisted by a very fat phonebook!) to try out crayons for the first time. He loved it! He wanted ALL the colors out to choose from, and he would very deliberately pick them up and move them from one side of the paper to the other, back and forth, in some sort of pattern that was indeciferable to me but obviously very important to him! His favorite color, evidently, is green. It is pretty cool to have my very own first-born son's very first crayon picture hanging on my refrigerator. It makes me feel like a "real" mom. :)

One of those days

I don't want to do anything. I need a maid, and a nanny, and a personal assistant to do my errands. Meanwhile I will be lying on the couch if you need me...but please don't need me, ok?

There are lots of things on my list for Thursday. Shower. Chores. Errands. VBS work. I don't want to do any of them. You'd think a shower would sound good, but you know, that would mean getting up!

I'm afraid what I really need is a good kick in the pants. ;)

Most people...

get sciatica in the third trimester. Me? I get it in the first.

I don't think this is fair, do you?

Working toward sentences...

Yesterday Jonathan and I went over to Jessica's house to spend some time playing in the backyard, and in their wading pool. The goal: to wear Jonathan out completely so putting him down for his afternoon nap would be easier. :) Mission accomplished!

Anyway, what I meant to blog about: while Jonathan was playing in the pool with Brigid, he fell over and landed with rather a thump. Instead of being upset, he very clearly said "down, bump!" and then got on with the serious business of climbing up the slide.

If I were my grandmother, I would now write in the babybook with great pride that Jonathan's first sentence was "I fell down and went bump!" But I'm not my grandmother. So I'll just enjoy the fact that my incredibly intelligent and amazing son just put TWO words together! :)

Yay Dirt!

Jonathan loves dirt. What used to be my lettuce patch (and is no longer, due to way too much summer heat!) is now his play patch. He sits in it and dribbles dirt over his legs and claps his hands in excitement. He is such a little boy! :)

Ok, so you haven't seen CUTE

until you've seen Jonathan dancing to Benny Goodman. :)

Fewer than 200 days!

In theory, that is. :)

One down...

Jonathan is napping, and I didn't nurse him to sleep. Today is the first day of our attempt to wean him. It actually went surprisingly well. I waited until Jonathan completely fell apart and asked for "ni ni" (without me suggesting it to him) before trying to put him down. Then we got a cup of milk, his favorite teddy bear, put on his "night night music", and settled down in the rocking chair. He was sad, because this was definitely not what he'd been expecting, but I discovered pretty quickly that he preferred to cuddle on my chest facing me, and didn't want any milk, and then he calmed down pretty quickly. He went to sleep there about half-way through the cd. I thought he was asleep enough to transfer him, but, well, that may just not ever work anymore. He's been really hard to transfer for a few months now, and I guess I may just have to live with it. Anyway, he woke up when I put him in his crib, and cried. I stood there with my hand on his back, patting him, for awhile in the hopes that he'd go back to sleep, but no luck. And that position will make your back hurt after a very short while! So I gave him one last pat and left. He wailed and stood up, but that actually didn't last very long. I think because he really was so almost asleep, he lay back down in about five minutes, whimpered/cried off and on for another 15, and then was really asleep.

Considering that I had been braced for up to an hour of crying, this was pretty wonderful. :)

I'm thinking of taking him to a park today before his afternoon nap, in an attempt to thoroughly wear him out prior to attempting this again. My guess is the more tired he is, the easier this will be. Besides, he loves the park, and I want to make most of his life full of really happy things, since I'm taking away one of his comforts.

I am still planning to keep the bedtime nursing, at least for awhile. I don't want to wean cold turkey and I think having one "connection" nursing time will be good for us.

It is nice to have a plan, and I think we're making the right decision. Wish us luck!

Mopping the floor

This looks like much more fun than the standard way of doing it. :)

Yay Savers!

Savers is a wonderful place. :) It is the sort of place I probably shouldn't go very often - I think I could probably "save" myself right into the poorhouse. But it is an awfully fun place to shop. Today I went in for clothes and shoes for Jonathan, and puzzle pieces for a family ministries craft project. I came out with shortalls and two pairs of shoes for Jonathan, puzzle pieces, and an absolutely gorgeous skirt for me.

Ok, so the skirt wasn't on my list. And it also won't fit for about a year and a half. But I got it for $6.49 and it looks brand new and it probably cost more than $70 originally. And what an incintive to lose the baby weight! And did I mention that it is gorgeous? :)

By the way, thanks to Jessica for the tip about getting shoes there. You were right - I found two pairs of nearly new shoes for 1/4 the cost of the same shoes (pretty much) at Walmart.

Quote of the day:

"Weaning is going to be a wocky woad."
- my husband :)


I'm afraid he's right.

But I'm also sort of thinking that weaning, per se, isn't going to be the issue. Or at least not the main issue. Yes, on occasion Jonathan will tug on my shirt and ask...but it is fairly rare. The bigger problem is that nursing to sleep is his routine. Not just nursing before sleep, but nursing until completely asleep. I have, in the past, tried to nurse him to "almost asleep" the way they tell you to in the books, but it just doesn't work. I have a kid who wakes up the moment I move away and wails unless he's completely out. (To be fair, he has on occassion nursed to calmness and then gone to sleep in his crib...but these exceptions are few and far between.)

So I think the issue is sleep, really, not nursing. And I am not looking forward to dealing with this one. Jonathan is an incredibly stubborn little boy. We've seen that since he was very small, and it is getting more obvious as he grows. I know that eventually, this trait will become perseverance, and will probably be one of his greatest assets...but right now...! The most basic things are often met with stubborn disobedience and then tantrums. Repeatedly. Naptime, even when he asks for it, can be a pitched battle. This afternoon Gabe listened (I was out of the house, thankfully!) to Jonathan cry for an hour and a half because he had awakened as I moved away after nursing him down, and we decided that it really was naptime and he really did need to stay in his crib and fall asleep. (Jonathan had been acting tired earlier, had requested to go "ni ni" and nursed himself to a light sleep, so we knew that he did need the nap.) I hate doing this, and it goes against almost everything in me, but I don't know what the better option is. The "help your baby sleep gently" books haven't worked for us from day one, and not for lack of trying them. My mom says that they wouldn't have worked for me, either, which is somehow comforting and also not very helpful. I gather I wasn't a very cooperative baby. ;)

I think the hardest thing about this happening now is just that - it is happening now. While I'm pregnant, and tired, and finding life to be very hard. I'm already set to cry over next to nothing, so dealing with tantrums and screaming naptimes feels like more than I can handle. I will handle it, but I am less than certain that I will handle it well under these circumstances, and that is another worry to add to the pile.

I wish there was a checklist that I could follow that would promise a happy, sleeping, weaned child at the end (and preferably throughout, as well.) But all the checklist books don't seem to apply to this child. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps all the "how to" books for child rearing only really work on passive, easy children.

So: does anyone out there have a stubborn, strong-willed child that has been weaned successfully? And who goes to sleep without a battle? Because if so, could you please tell me your secret? :)

Ok, so the best laid plans sometimes just don't work out the way you planned them. I think I'm about ready to give up on my plan to nurse Jonathan until he self-weans. Pregnancy-sore breasts and a biting toddler are more than I think I want to deal with, particularly since I know he's not getting really necessary nutrients from it anymore. And besides, I think I'm just tired of nursing. 15 months is a long time, and I'm going to be doing it again in just over half a year. Besides, I'm tired.

I've been leaning this way for about a month, I guess, and since the pain seems to be growing, not diminishing, I think it might be a reasonable time to wean. Besides, he bit me!

Jonathan nurses three times a day right now: two naps and night-time. He always nurses to sleep (or just about to sleep) and putting him in a crib without nursing to sleep first results in a wailing banshee. I'm not willing to go the "cry it out" route, because frankly I don't think it will work with my very stubborn son. And I don't think it would be good for any of us.

He already has a "night night" cd which we always play when he's going to sleep (up to this point, it has played while we nursed.)

Has anyone read any good ideas or techniques? What has worked for you?

laughing babies

This is one of the sweetest and funniest things I've seen in a long time! Thanks to Sallie at A Gracious Home for finding it. :)

Happy morning

The house is clean (thanks to the long weekend!)

Jonathan and I had breakfast together, then he chose a book off the shelf and we read it together on the couch.

We spent time playing peek-a-boo around the corners while I started the laundry.

I made a tower of couch cushions for Jonathan to climb on, and he played happily and let me read a book (Dune is amazing, by the way).

As it got closer to naptime, we cuddled on the couch and listened to Wee Sing Bible Songs.

He's asleep now and I have time to take a shower, blog, do a few chores, and maybe plant some flowers.

It is a beautiful morning. :)

Blogs of Beauty

This seems like a pretty neat idea. Click on the picture to read more about it. I've nominated some of my favorite bloggers...take a few minutes and nominate your favorites, too!

First haircut!

After about two months or more of agonizing ("what if he looks ridiculous? What if I cut his ear off?") I finally cut Jonathan's hair. We put on a Baby Einstein video (thank you, Jessica!) and Gabe helped keep him still and gave lots of moral support and a few suggestions.

I didn't cut his ear off, and he definitely doesn't look ridiculous. In fact, I think I can safely say that this endeavor was quite a success. :) Check out the before and after pictures:

Before


After

Of course it is far too early to know if she will actually be a girl. But I'm hoping, so I'll probably call her "she" more than "he". ;)

I had an ultrasound today. I got to see a tiny little baby ("it's still an embryo, dear") bouncing up and down, with her heart beating away just like it ought. Little head, little torso, tiny buds of arms and legs.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. She is real, and she is the right size for her age, and all seems well. It is ok for me to fall in love with her, because it is likely that I will get to hold her in a few long months.

Hot.

Hot, hot, hot, hot! In the morning when it is cooler (i.e. only about 80 degrees) Jonathan can play outside and we open up the house to get a breeze and I do as many chores as I can do without working too hard. (We're still watching and waiting to be sure this baby is ok, which means limited activity for me.)

But in the afternoon, both Jonathan and I sort of crash. It is JUST TOO HOT!!! Today around 3pm both of us were just lying on the floor in front of the fan. Jonathan didn't even want to read a book - he just wanted to lie there!

He really is hanging in there pretty well, especially considering that he just doesn't understand why he can't play outside at 3pm (it is just too hot and I worry about him becoming dehydrated - he doesn't drink enough when he's playing out there). Much of the time I let him play in the bathtub or the kitchen sink in freezing cold water. :)

Meanwhile, I've decided that summer is NOT a good time to be pregnant.

Spider bites

Check out my poor little boy's leg!





And that is just his right leg. He has more on the other leg, his arms, his fingers, foot...it is very sad! They don't seem to bother him during the day, but he's been waking up at night inconsolable, so I wonder if they're bothering him then (or if he's getting more in the night?) Yesterday I washed EVERYTHING anywhere near his bed and wiped down the crib with 409 in an attempt to kill any spiders in existance. Hopefully any bugs in the area won't stick around after all that washing!

"Down" means "up"

At least, it does in our house right now! Jonathan thinks that "dow!" means both "up" and "down". And he wants to go up and down EVERYTHING. So my days currently consist of:

"Dow!"
"Ok, Jonathan, let's get UP into the chair."
"Dow!"
"Yes, you may get down now."
"Dow!"
"You mean UP, sweetheart. Yes, Mommy will pick you up."
"Dow!"
"Ok, time to get down now."
"Dow!"
"Why don't you try climbing UP onto the cushions by yourself? I think you can!"
"Dow!"
"Yes, you got stuck on the cushions. Hang on, Mommy will come help you down..."

You get the idea. ;) I wonder how long it will take for him to learn that "up" means "down"...I mean, "up" means "up"!

Something good...

Something good has come out of my enforced lack of activity. :) I've been much more focused on playing with Jonathan. I lie on the floor and we look at books, or I lie on a blanket outside and he brings me sticks and leaves, or I lie on the floor and he climbs on the couch cushions beside me. The point is that I'm right there with him, instead of being in the same room dusting the furniture or washing the dishes. And this has had a double payoff. Not only do we have a lot of fun playing together, but he has also become more independent of me. I think because he gets such a full tank of "mommy time", he doesn't have the need to demand my attention like he used to. It is a good lesson for me.

More thoughts on Dan Brown's Book

This title makes me think of the song "John Brown's Baby" for some reason. Ok, anyway.

I think the most interesting part of reading The Da Vinci Code was realizing how insidious Dan Brown's claims are. He mixes truth with half truths and not-truths and throws it all into a huge pot of "might-be-truths". Every few pages I found myself thinking "I need to look that up. It might be real or it might not be." Some of them were true (Opus Dei really exists and the late Pope really did like them) and some of them weren't (there is no actual historical evidence - religious or secular - for Jesus and Mary Magdalene having been married). Some of them were easily verifiable, and for some of them I can't find reliable answers (the existence of the Priory of Sion seems to be hopelessly debated, and I am not a historical scholar! Linds, help!) Some of them were such wild claims that I can't imagine any but conspiracy theorists take seriously...but they were couched in so much half-truth that it just might be possible to believe them. It is sad to me that half the world seems to have just swallowed the entire book...but it is also understandable. I read it with all my Torrey-training in high gear, and could recognize the different layers of fact vs. fiction (or at least, could recognize that the author didn't want me to know the difference!) Most people don't read novels with such care, and evidently most people also don't notice that "novel" actually means "not non-fiction". ;) I guess what I'm saying is that I get why people like the book, and I get why people think the claims are true. I am also pretty firmly convinced that, because of this, the book is dangerous to true Christianity. I think that we would do well to read it and check our facts so that we can defend ourselves if the need arises.

If I had a dollar

for every time somebody "sensed" something in the Da Vinci Code, I could buy an awful lot of Starbucks lattes.

Sheesh.

I'll admit that the plot grabs you. I'll admit that it is fast paced and that you don't really want to stop reading. But the writing itself is frankly terrible, and if you're thinking ahead at all you'll guess most of the plot twists before they happen.

I think I'll write some more substantive thoughts on the book later, when I have a bit more time. :)

Ooh, ooh, I missed one...

"Although his female colleagues insisted the gray (in his hair) only accentuated his bookish appeal, Langdon knew better."

So I picked up a copy of The Da Vinci Code, just to see what all the fuss was about. It reads like the opening to a run of the mill (read: bad) romance novel!!! How can people think this is such an amazing book? I'm on page eight. So far I've been treated to a man "staggering through a vaulted archway", another man with a "glint in his ghostly eyes", and a third man who "needs a vacation" evidently based on the fact that his "dark stubble was shrouding his strong jaw".

Oh please. I'm supposed to take this seriously?

Yuck

Throwing up three times before 8am is not my idea of a good day.

Phones

This afternoon I let Jonathan play with my calculator. He grinned, held it up to his ear, and said "hi!"

Missing Daddy

About 45 minutes to an hour before Gabe gets home, Jonathan heads to the door. "Da-dee? Da-dee?" Then he sits there and cries. It is possible to distract him, but he definitely just wants his daddy.

Honey, what do you think your boss would say to seven hour work days? ;)

The Married "We"

Is an incredibly funny blog post. You can read it here. I know I'm guilty of this...anyone else? Come on, 'fess up! :)

Nose, ears, tongue, etc.

Remember the book "God Bless Me" that I was plugging some time ago? Yesterday Gabe was inaccurately quoting some of it: "God bless my x, God bless my y, etc." and Jonathan got a big smile on his face and picked up the right book! He opened it to the second page ("God bless my ears...") and tugged on his ear. Do I have a brilliant child, or what? :)

He can also identify his nose, his tongue, and his fingers. Sometimes he can find his bellybutton, but not if he's in the bathtub. I guess there are just an overwhelming number of body parts available during bathtime. ;)

Lovely.

Dirty diapers and morning sick mommies should never, ever, ever mix.

Pregnancy thoughts

It is quite likely that we're going to have another baby. By quite likely, I mean that we're not yet out of the "danger zone" for miscarriage, but things are going well enough that I've allowed myself to start imagining tiny fingers and toes and little scrunched up faces. Isn't that a nice image? :)

I'm taking bets: boy or girl? If you're right and its a girl, you win the opportunity to give us cute pink clothing. If you're right and its a boy, you win the opportunity to give us lots of diapers. :)


Being pregnant, while incredibly exciting, also certainly has its downsides. For me, right now, one of those downsides is that I'm supposed to be "resting as much as possible" (what in the world does that mean, exactly?) in order to make sure I continue to carry this baby. Another is that I'm sick as a dog for most of the day. Combine the two and it is very easy to think that something just isn't quite fair in the universe! :)

Well, so I knew that already. :)

I hate not being busy, and this enforced rest is really starting to get on my nerves. Have you ever just felt like you had to run or hit something? Only neither is an option and crying doesn't help? It's sort of like that. You can only read so many books, watch so many movies, and do so much needlework before you go crazy. You can only watch your husband go to work and do the chores and take care of the toddler and make dinner - all the things you are supposed to be doing before you go nuts.

It doesn't really help to tell myself that right now, I'm not supposed to be doing them. I still feel that they are my responsibility, and that I'm falling down on the job.

In theory, I have another four weeks of this kind of life. When I think about that, I cry. So I'm trying to think only about today, and then today, and then today.

Thanks be to God for my wonderful friends and church family. People have been coming in to help take care of Jonathan twice a day so that I have space to rest like I'm supposed to. I don't like letting people come to my not-so-clean house and do my dirty dishes, but I'm grateful that they love me enough to do it.

As far as being sick...well, it is a good sign. Sick generally equals healthy pregnancy. So I keep thanking God that I'm sick, and refusing to kiss my husband when he's just eaten chicken. Or beef. Or turkey. Or potato salad. Or...you get the idea. ;)

Would you please pray for us in this time? As difficult as it is for me, I think it is harder for Jonathan and Gabe. Jonathan doesn't understand why Mommy isn't much of a playmate right now. Gabe is trying to be himself and me, which is rather a daunting task, don't you think? ;) And please pray for our baby. We'd really like to meet her.

Milestone!

Tonight Jonathan figured out how to eat with a spoon! The result would have been a bath, had he not been so tired...I guess he'll get one first thing tomorrow morning. :)

It is interesting to watch the development (or seemingly, lack thereof!) that leads up to these accomplishments. We've been handing him spoons for weeks, with nominal interest and no result. Tonight, he just picked it up and fed himself.

We said "yay!" and clapped, of course, which meant that he had to clap, too, and pat his head (hence the need for the bath!) He got so excited he wiggled his whole body around in his high chair until it rather looked like he'd knock himself right over. He didn't realize he'd done anything special until we got excited, but once he realized that we were proud of him, he decided he was awfully proud of himself, too!

It was a good evening. :)

Hey all you rss-ers

Go check out the changes to my actual site.

Words

I think it is time for a list of Jonathan's words. Most of these are spoken; a few are signed.

Crash
Water
Down
All Done
More
Cheese
Banana
Night night
Daddy
Quack quack
Meow
Uh oh
Woo-woo (train sounds)
Mommy (although we're still not quite sure about this one)

Neat, isn't it? :)

New word

Jonathan is learning so fast I can't keep up with blogging about it. :) His latest word: "wa!!" It means "water". He doesn't use it when he's thirsty (I'm not sure he realizes what being thirsty is, really) but he gets very excited about watering the plants, playing in the spray from the hose, and bathtime.

New tooth!

It has finally arrived! Jonathan's been worrying his two top teeth for at least a month now, and one of them just broke through this morning. I think the other one is trying to come in, too, so he isn't a very happy camper.

On top of that, we think he has a very mild case of chicken pox, and I think that's making him a little cranky too.

If we've been around you in the past week or so, watch your kids for spots. ;)

The Ebay Song

There really is one. Weird Al is a genius! Listen to it here.

Hat tip to MommyLife for this gem. :)

Quack quack!

Jonathan is really excited about ducks right now. "qua qua!" is one of his favorite things to say, and he (usually) says it when a duck is in the vicinity - be it stuffed duck, real duck, or a duck in a book. It is very cute. :) Some months ago my mom gave him a book called "Find the Duck". It has a duck hiding in all sorts of places - in the bathtub, in the sink, under the clothes, behind the toilet, in a pile of tp on the floor (I hope J doesn't get any ideas!) Well, as of this morning Jonathan has figured out how to point to the duck (and say "qua, qua!" of course!) when I ask him "where is the duck?" I didn't know he had pointing figured out that well!

The next book we read had horses in it. He pointed and said "qua qua!" Well, I guess we still have some work to do! :)

Thoughts, please?

Lately Jonathan has decided that he needs 100% attention in the afternoon. This is generally from about 2pm until when Gabe gets home (tonight that will be at 7pm). I'm at a bit of a loss, because I just can't play on the floor with him or toss him in the air or chase him around the house for 5 straight hours! It is a frustrating dilema, because every time I try to do a chore or make a call or answer an email, Jonathan cries. Or screams. But I KNOW that it isn't a true lack of attention. Has anyone else had this problem? Any ideas on how to deal with it?

Today Jonathan and I were sitting on the couch, reading books. Half way through, I slouched down into a more comfortable position. Jonathan looked at me, then leaned back and did his best imitation of my slouch! It was awfully cute. We actually read books for quite awhile today, which was fun. Usually he likes to move around too much and we don't get through much, but today he was in a sit and look at pictures mood.

I don't remember if I've mentioned our new discipline trick? We're doing time-out in a playpen, with a timer. It took only two time out times for Jonathan to figure out what was going on. He doesn't like it, but he does understand how it works! Sometimes he cries, sometimes he just waits. But either way, when the timer rings he says "dau!" (or something like that - I can't transliterate!) and looks at me expectantly. He gets a hug and an "I love you" as I get him out, and a reminder to obey Mommy. I'm pleased with how it is working. We don't have to use them often, and when we do, it is very helpful to me too, because functionally both he and I are having "time out!" Even just one minute "away" is helpful for me to regain perspective. So all in all I think it is a good discipline decision, at least for the stage we're in now.

Grandmommy update:

Sorry it took me awhile to get this up here. Grandmommy had her surgery on Tuesday, and it went very well - the very best scenario! She will have a long recovery (she’ll probably be in the hospital until next Tuesday, at least) so continued prayer would be great. Thanks!

God talked to me today.

And it was so clear, it was almost audible. I’ve never had such clear direction from God before. Yes, he’s directed me, but usually in the way of open and closed doors, or feelings that accumulated over time. Today he gave an order.

Jonathan and I spent some time at the park today. Just before we were about to leave, an old-ish biker man (tatoos everywhere!) showed up with his dog. Jonathan was fascinated and set out to catch up with the (very fast!) dog. Eventually we did get close, and I asked if the dog was friendly, and we struck up a conversation while Jonathan made friends with the (very friendly!!!) dog. It was an interesting conversation. I don’t think either of us quite knew what to say at first, but eventually we ended up talking about kids and the world they’re growing up in today. He has a sixteen year old son living on the east coast (I guess with an ex-wife – I didn’t ask). Then the conversation took an odd turn as he told me that he has terminal cancer. He’s starting chemotherapy next week, but it is just a life-extender, not a cure. What do you say to something like that? It was really sad. Anyway, shortly after that Jonathan got sad and needed to go home, so we said our goodbyes and I walked back to get the stroller. That’s when God said to go back.

“He has cancer, Em, and he needs to know me. Go back and invite him to church.”

“God, you don’t really mean for me to turn around and go back and invite him to church, do you? He’ll think I’m so weird.”

“Go invite him to church.”

So I did. What else can you do when God gives such a clear order? I wrote my name and the name and address of the church on a slip of paper, buckled Jonathan in the stroller, turned around, and walked back praying “God, I have no idea what I’m going to say, so please make sure I have some words before I get there, ok?”

He came through. He always does, doesn’t He? I should trust Him more. When I got back to the man, I just said something like “hey, do you go to church around here?” He said no, that he had never really gone to church, and then we went on to talk about church and how he never felt really comfortable just showing up – “a biker guy who drinks and smokes, you know?” He also said that he had been thinking recently that he should try it, “since I’m going to be meeting my maker and all.” So I told him a little about our church and gave him the service times and the cross streets (he used to live in Placentia and he knows exactly where it is!) Usually he goes biking with some friends of his on Sunday mornings, but he has a back injury right now that probably won’t let him ride. So he may just show up on Sunday. Oh, I hope so. I told him I’d love to have him come and sit with me and Gabe and Jonathan, and he said he just might “as long as you’ll be there so I won’t feel so weird.”

His name is Garnett. (Emphasis on the last syllable.) Please pray for him – that he would come to church and that he would be able to really see the beauty and truth and love there, and thus find Christ.

Thanks be to God for guiding our steps – for the dog, for Jonathan’s single-minded devotion to catching up with the dog, for the timing of our park trip, for Garnett’s back injury that meant he was sitting and talking instead of running with the dog.

Thanks be to God that he can use even me.

New word:

"Night-night". Only it comes out more like "ni-ni". It's very cute - he says it when he's sleepy and wants to go to bed.

Daddy's little boy

On Saturday, Gabe was using a hammer to attach something to the wall. Jonathan watched with interest for a few minutes, then disappeared. A minute later he reappeared, his own plastic hammer in hand. :)

Imitation and understanding

Jonathan is in an imitating phase right now. Particularly if we ask him to, he'll copy just about anything. He'll pat his head, or sign "more" and "all done" or sniff his nose like a bunny, or turn upside down, or or or! The really cool thing, though, is that he isn't just copying our actions. He's also processing our words. After the first couple of examples, he'll do these actions just given a verbal cue - "Jonathan, can you turn upside down?" And upside down he goes!

Empathy

Last week at church Nathaniel (a little boy about Jonathan's age) was crying, and Jonathan took his teddy bear over and handed it to him to snuggle. We snuggle with this teddy bear at home when Jonathan is crying, so it was pretty neat to have him transfer that over to Nathaniel.

I'm an anarchist???

You scored as Republican. Republican 92% Anarchism 92% Socialist 33% Communism 25% Fascism 17% Green 17% Democrat 17% Nazi 0% What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com

Ok, we're just really amazing parents. :)

Often when Jonathan is upset about something, his reaction is to go down on feet, hands, and head (can you picture that?) and yell and bang his head. Not very pleasant. BUT Gabe and I are amazing, and have found a truly novel way to circumvent these tantrums. We have taught Jonathan how to go "upside down!" (the same position, only without the head-banging!) and as soon as his head hits the floor, we cry "upside down!" and do the same thing. He thinks it is so funny he forgets what he was upset about.

So if you see me in the grocery store, peeking through my own legs at my son, try not to laugh too hard, ok?

Grandmommy

My Grandmommy is very sick. She has been sick for a long time, and they finally figured out what was wrong, and it isn't good. She's going to have to have surgery on Tuesday (hopefully, unless it happens sooner in which case it would be emergency surgery) to try to fix the problem.

Its scary.

Please pray with us:

- that the doctors will be wise and skilled
- that the surgery goes well
- that she will depend on God during this really hard time
- that my Granddaddy, who doesn't really have any use for God at all, will through this situation see his own need for God.

Disobedience

Lately, Jonathan has become much less obedient. He's disobeying in areas that we hadn't had trouble with for months! Its like he remembers everything we've ever said "no" about, and is trying to do them all every day. And when corrected, he throws a fit. He'll scream, bang his head on the floor, or hit my face, grab my glasses, and pull my hair. It is disconcerting to have him responding with such violence. Even just a calm "Not for Jonathan" can elicit this type of response. And it seems to be quite calculated...I'll pick him up so he can't hurt himself banging his head, he'll try to pull my glasses off, and when I won't let him do that he screams and pulls my hair. I'm pretty sure he knows that it hurts and is doing it on purpose. It's a strange sensation, having the little person you love more than anything trying to hurt you because he's angry. He's MY little sinner, and I love him dearly, but it rather makes my heart hurt.

Have any of you readers encountered this problem? I can't have the only strong-willed one-year-old out there! ;)

I think I blog more on days that aren't going well. Writing is catharctic - and posting it reminds me that I'm not all alone! Too bad the chores don't get done too! :)

More miscellany

Jonathan likes brushing hair. A lot. He'll use his brush or my brush, brush his hair or my hair or Gabe's hair - I don't know what the appeal is, but he sure enjoys it!

Block towers are very appealing. They can be knocked over to make such a lovely crash!

For months, now, we've been using signs for "all done" and (less consistently) "more". Jonathan never seemed to get it, until this past week or so. Now he uses "all done" every time. He sort of created his own version - it isn't exactly the way we'd been doing it, but it is entirely recognizable. He uses it when he's finished at meals and also when he's finished nursing. I'm really glad we taught it to him, because it is very helpful to have him simply wiggle his hands instead of screaming!

Catching up...

Lots of Jonathan news that I haven't gotten to lately:

He loves cheese. Really, really, really loves cheese. In fact, I think he can even sort of say "cheese."

He is working on saying words. It is hard to tell what is babble and what has meaning, but some are starting to stand out. "Cheese" is one, so is "outside". We keep hoping for "mommy" and "daddy" but he isn't really cooperating. :)

He loves playing in the water. Our backyard faucet is leaky, so whenever I water the garden, it gives him drips and a little spray and a lovely mud puddle to play in. We've given Jonathan a lot of baths, lately!

Speaking of the future...

THE FUTURE. I find this very scary to think about. You see, in general I like my day to day life right now. Of course, there are bits I'd like to change, like having Gabe work closer to home or be finished with school. But I love our church, I love my job at church, I love my son and my husband and my garden and the little hispanic neighbor girls who like to play with Jonathan. I love living 12 minutes away from Jessica and having mom's group at the park each week.

So when we talk about THE FUTURE, it freaks me out. Because usually that means we're talking about CHANGE. I hate change. Did you know that about me? I hate change. When I was a kid, I very often didn't really even want to do something fun, if it meant changing what I expected the day to look like. Ok, so I was a little neurotic. ;)

So last night Gabe and I ended up having a discussion about THE FUTURE. It was a good discussion. But the content was downright terrifying. To me, anyway. You see, I like steadiness and predictability. I like a paycheck every week. I like having money in the bank just in case something awful happens. I like my safety nets. What we're considering would mean stepping out with no more safety nets. And I'm horribly afraid that this is exactly what God might be calling us to do.

Gabe wants to get a doctorate. He's been talking about this for ages, but last night he really explained to me why it is so important and what he wants to do with it. I get it, now. It really does seem like something that might be more vocation than job. Maybe. As we were saying last night, neither of us has a "word from the Lord" on this...it just seems to be a direction Gabe ought to go.

The problem is that UCI makes it next to impossible for a man with a family to get said doctorate. The pay while you're in the program is enough for a single person with roommates to live on, but isn't even enough to pay our first mortgage. Much less the second mortgage and the HOA dues and have anything left over for food and gas and utilities and home/auto/life insurance.

To be truthful, I had sort of been counting on that fact to protect me from ever having to actually deal with the fact that Gabe wanted to do this. After all, it just isn't financially feasible, right? Case closed. But last night I remembered a story Gabe told me once, about a man who wanted to study in Europe, and whose wife said "we'll make this happen" and then DID. And isn't that the kind of wife I'd like to be? Not a scared, selfish, fussy wife saying "I don't want to do it this way so I'm not going to even try to make it work", but a wife who can share and enter in to her husband's dreams and importune heaven and move earth to make it happen?

If we were really, really, careful, and Gabe could get it done in two years, and we spent everything we have in savings, we could make it happen.

And then we would move away to another university for Gabe's post-doc work, and then who knows.

God has not yet given Gabe clear direction, aside from inclination that has lasted for many years. And I definitely don't want to say that He's given me any clear direction. Just a feeling that I need to trust Him, and the knowledge that if this is where He wants us, I want to be the wife who is a helpmate, not a fussy burden.

We'd love it if you'd pray with us as we try to discern God's will for our future.

If you read this today...

pray for us, please. Jonathan is having a really hard day (his morning thus far has closely resembled his very cranky after 5pm style) and he's having trouble sleeping as well. Mommy is tired because she stayed up late with Daddy discussing the future. Not such a great combination. So, prayer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, friends!

This whole baby-weight-loss thing is driving me nuts. I look in the mirror and most of the time, I like what I see. Then I step on the scale and…well, today I kicked it. ;) Those stupid numbers are going up!!!

On a more positive note, I’ve been keeping track of my exercise totals at CoolRunning, and so far this month I’ve logged 13.5 miles of pushing a stroller and 48 minutes of cardio dance holding a 20lb baby. Not bad, eh?

Which of Henry's wives are you?

I thought this was fun, particularly since I just read a good fictional account of Caterina's life - "The Constant Princess" by Philippa Gregory. Although I don't think I've ever pressed flowers in romantic novels. ;)









Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by Lori Fury

And then after that...

we went to the Block for dinner



and window shopping.



And yes, some real shopping as well. I have a super husband - there is an Ann Taylor Outlet there and he let me go in and BUY stuff! ;)

Beach trip! (warning - lots of pictures!)

Yesterday was a really, really, really lovely day. Gabe took Jonathan to the men's breakfast in the morning about 7am, which gave me some beautifully uninterrupted time to put the house in order, take a shower, and work on composing. Then when they got back, we did a few more chores, an errand or two, Jonathan had his nap and we watched an episode of Hogan's Heroes (a really funny tv series). It was fun and relaxed and pleasant, and we actually got a lot done too. And then, at 2pm, we walked out the door, beach bags in hand, to go play at the beach! As you can see, we had a great time. :)

It's a two bath day

I gave Jonathan had a bath this morning before church. This afternoon we let him play outside. He fell in the mud. Yep, its bathtime again. :)

Composing

When I was a sophomore in college, I took Theory I. I spent the first semester seriously irritated with the professor. Then he assigned the final project, and everything changed. Compose a hymn. There were rules, of course, but the real requirement was: sit down at the piano and create. Suddenly all the irritating rules made sense, and I understood why my professor cared so much that we learned them. They were the foundation for creating beautiful things - music bigger than we were - we needed those rules in order to express our souls.

Dr. B. and I are fast friends now. Somewhere in the midst of that final project we were able to see each other more clearly - not just as irritating professor and challenging student, but challenging professor and passionate student. And I will never forget him, because he was the one who pushed me hard enough to show me that I, too, could create music.

I spent hours locked in tiny practice rooms, lost to the world, composing. Some of it was terrible, but occasionally I'd find a motif, a melody, something that had real potential. When that happened, I'd emerge from my cave, hungry and tired, but too excited to notice. Creating music transcended normal life.

When I graduated, married, and took a job teaching, my opportunities to compose evaporated. I had no piano at home, and no time at school. I missed it periodically, but didn't worry too much about it. Someday, I said, I'd go back to school and study composition more thoroughly.

No, I'm not going back to school now. That is still in the future (perhaps). But I am composing again. Gabe and I decided that it was a good way for me to keep a toe in the music world during this mommy-ing time of life. So now every Saturday Gabe takes Jonathan away for a run or on errands or something, and I sit down at the piano and lose myself in music. I'm not very good at it. I'm woefully out of practice - last week I frustrated myself no end trying to figure out the timing of a passage that was crystal clear in my head, but wouldn't come out on paper. And while melodies still come fairly easily to me, I've forgotten far too much of how to flesh them out with harmony (much less remember all of Dr. B's voice leading rules!) But it will come. The love is still there, and the technique will come back with practice.

Today I realized that Gabe was singing my melody while doing chores around the house. That was so encouraging, because it means that the melody I'm working so hard to create does have something in that draws people in. I know that I will make lots of marginal or even bad music. But I have high hopes that with enough work, someday I will create something truly lovely; something that reflects the beauty of the Creator himself.

Jesu juva.

Mice!

Yup. IN MY HOUSE. They're cute, you know, but I'd really rather they weren't IN MY HOUSE. We don't think it is a really big problem (yet, at least) because we haven't found any droppings anywhere. But we've definitely found the mice. Two nights ago I saw something out of the corner of my eye that I swear moved. Really fast. But I was super tired, and after shining a flashlight under the couch revealed nothing obvious, we decided I must have imagined it. Then last night I saw something dark and brown move in the kitchen. This time there was no mistake - that was a mouse! We got a box and a wooden spoon and a spatula, and attempted to coerce this tiny, frightened creature into the box so we could take him outside. He fell into the sink and hid in the garbage disposal. Undismayed, we put the wooden spoon down the sink so he could crawl up it. You should have seen his little nose poking up, as he looked around wondering if it was safe to come out of his nice dark hiding place! It was quite the chase, poor thing. We did catch him, eventually (he actually jumped into our box, in a last desperate attempt to evade the spatula!) and let him go outside. Happy ending. Only, this morning when I went to pick up one of Jonathan's plastic toys, well, it wasn't plastic. And it was dead. I think we found my phantom mouse of a few days ago. :( Not so happy ending.

Our house is hardly mouse-proof, so I'm not really surprised that this has happened...but it does make me look at things a bit more closely before I put my hands into corners! And I am a bit worried about Jonathan - after all, what if he'd been the one to find the dead mouse? So I think we're going to try to get some humane mousetraps and hope they take care of the problem.

Snuggles

One nice thing about days when Jonathan doesn't feel well is that he gets much more snuggly. I love it when he lifts his arms to be picked up, and then lays his head down on my shoulder - all is right with his world when he's in my arms, even when his mouth hurts. How I love him.

Teething

Jonathan is teething - his upper front teeth. I am sick (again!) We would definitely appreciate your prayers right now!

Some people can just say it exactly right

And Dy is one of them. Go read her post here. It is great.

I remember WHY I love my son

Hugs. Jonathan knows how to hug us, and he will often do so when we request it. It is adorable and makes me remember how much I do love him. :)

He also really likes hugging teddy bears. Particularly after naptime - he'll wake up and reach for the bears on the shelf, and snuggle with one for a few minutes as he wakes up.

Another neat thing that I forgot to blog about a few days ago: Jonathan's sense of "rightness" in the world is really developing. Not moral rightness, I guess maybe orderliness is a better word. Anyway, he knows how many things "ought" to be, and is disturbed if they aren't that way. For example, a few mornings ago we were all in the bathroom brushing teeth and getting ready for the day, when Jonathan suddenly pointed at the trashcan and with great concern said "uh oh, uh oh!" When we looked, we found that a kleenex had missed the can and ended up on the floor. Jonathan knew that it was trash, and therefore should have been in the trashcan, and was very intent on calling our attention to it so that we could fix things! Gabe and I were amazed - that is pretty high level thinking for a one-year-old!

I love my son.

I just wanted that to be perfectly clear. I love my son. That said, there are days when I really wonder if I made the right decision, becoming a mother. Days when one-year-old tantrums are more than I can deal with. Days when I just want to shout "go to sleep - you KNOW you're tired!" Days (like today) when I look toward the week ahead and just want to cry thinking of all the hours that I'll have to be the mom without daddy around to help. And most particularly, days when I remember everything that I gave up when Jonathan came along, and I miss it, and I grieve for the loss.

I was a good choral director. I loved making music. I loved my students. I loved the adrenaline and the excitement of concert days. I loved feeling successful. I loved shaping and molding the music - a living thing that responded to my hands and voice and heart. And I never meant to give it up. I meant to have a baby AND a (part-time) career. I meant to live in both worlds - so many people do! And I am so incredibly angry that God didn't clue me in to his plan until the baby was made and it was too late to go back.

Did He know I'd back out? Did He know that if he told me the plan, I wouldn't do it? I don't even know what my choice would have been, had I known. I just know that I feel tricked, and I feel that even while I've gained something precious, I've also lost something precious. It is a hard, hard, hard trade.

I feel like a jerk even thinking this. After all, this is my son. A living, breathing human being whom God has entrusted to me. And I'm grateful for him, truly I am. I'm just angry and sad all at the same time. I keep waiting for it to get better; for music to stop hurting me; for the ache to go away. Only it doesn't go. It hides for awhile, that's all.

Yup, he's a toddler

Yesterday Jonathan mostly crawled and walked occasionally. Today he walks everywhere.

Digging

I was working in the garden today, and realized I was saying "no" a lot. I don't like that state of affairs much, and neither does Jonathan. So I got the trowel out for him, gave him his own little pot of dirt, and showed him how to dig. He loves it, and he's so proud of himself!

Just because he's too cute...

I just realized...

that I forgot to post a picture of myself with short hair. What do you think?

Wondrous little body

I don't really appreciate my body. I complain about its dimensions and wish it wouldn't hurt when I exercise, but other than that I usually just take it for granted. But I let Jonathan run around the other day in just a diaper, because it was so hot, and I was struck by just how wondrous his body is. He has ribs, and muscles, and eyes that actually see things (just think about that for a minute!) and the most adorable toes you've ever seen. Every bit of him works properly and he can wrap his arms around my neck and toddle in circuitous paths on his way to play with Daddy. His round little tummy is imminently tickle-able and houses half a dozen perfect organs that don't mind being squished when he flops on top of me. He is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gifts.

Little Screamer

This is not my favorite stage. Any ideas for helping a one-year-old learn that ear-shattering screams aren't the best way to get what you want? Someday he's going to say "please pick me up" and "please give me a cracker" or even just "please!!!!!!" But until the glorious day comes, what in the world am I going to do to save my eardrums and my sanity?

In other news, I think he tried to say "shoe" yesterday. And he might have also tried to say "kiss". We couldn't get him to do it again, but...it sure sounded like it and the context was right.

Small happy dances

The number on my scale has halted its downward trend. But I'm ok with that since

a) I have nothing to blame but myself and the Easter candy, and

b) I had to take my belt in to the last notch yesterday.

Things aren't half bad around here. :)

This is great

I don't often link to Dooce, because she has some pretty questionable language at times, but this post really captures the new perspective you get as a parent. I liked it.